There is a saying in Latin America that if I tried to remember the exact Spanish I’d murder- so I’ll just quote the translation

“I am man enough to fuck another man”

Which pretty much means that as long as you’re not the bottom in a sex act, you’re not gay. I’m starting to think we have our own American version of this: “I’m not gay” when uttered by a Republican politician means ‘I secretly have sex with men but will oppress those who are open about their sexuality.’

I think it would be good to start asking ALL Republicans if they are gay. I’m pretty sure we know what their answers would be.

It has been a long while since the stone age and women are no longer required to put out when you buy them dinner.

Also, 19 year old women are not required to find wrinkled old man ass hot.

I would find this story so much more shocking, except that I am regularly hit on by men my dad’s age and older. Which is fine. If you don’t ask, you never know and there may be women who want that. But I get pissed off when my “thanks but no” becomes an invitation to call me a naughty girl who needs a spanking.

Thankfully, I’m not being sued by any of them for declining to share a viagra fueled night in their bed.

So I have had this crush on this person for ever, but for professional reasons I have never acted on them.

So a few days ago this person gave me something that I thought was for a project. I worked on it for a bit and then found I that they just gave it to me for whatever reasons.

Anyways, I went to a Halloween party tonight with the Naughty Proff (who also used to work in crush’s profession) and while he and I and our friend Julie were all curled up in a cuddly ball- I asked them about this.

The consensus was:

As my friends “He totally wants to jump your bones”

As professionals “Not really a professional move on his part- but still….”

Maybe I just need a little bit of a distraction from all the work I’m doing right now, but it’s nice to have these little silly crushy moments sometimes. And it’s way more fulfilling than having naughty dreams about threesomes with Stephen Colbert and John Stewart.

Cause it’s my (our) blog, my (our) discretion.

If you’re racist, sexist, assholish, repetitive, annoying or even just plain boring – I reserve the right to edit your comments and replace them with the Barney song

I love you
You love Me
We’re a happy family

Or maybe I’m a little teacup. It’s a mood thing really. Also possible are such nursery hits like The Ensy Weensy Spider or Humpty Dumpty.

I also may turn really awful comments into a blogpost to be made fun of and mocked accordingly. If you don’t like these policies you are free to write your own blog and you are free to write on your own blog how mean and horrible I am and how you’re just a poor misunderstood asswipe. But not here.

Everytime I’m on the phone with my Aunt, some crazy always starts screaming in the background and she tries to convince me that the city is dangerous and I should move out to the boondocks.

But I’m urban, at the very least the crazies can sometimes be entertaining- like today.

Imagine Donald Duck’s voice trapped in the body of middle aged black man. Then imagine that man is possessed by the devil. In between screaming in what can only be ancient Aramaic, he’s hitting up everyone in 100 yard radius of the bus stop for “a quarter, a cigarette?” Then he goes back to screaming. He keeps getting closer and closer to me and an old woman who has decided that since I’m taller, she’s going to hide from him behind me. Finally the bus shows up.

The crazy man gets on the bus despite having no money for the fair, but his voice is so freaky that the bus driver just lets him go. The man sits at the front of the bus and manages to clear out all of the seats on both sides of the bus near him with his continued crazy rantings. He picks up the sports section of a newspaper someone left behind and in the demonic Donald Duck voice reads the paper out loud for the entire bus to here. When he is done with the sports section, he starts singing in the demonic voice. Eventually he gets off and one of those rare moments happens when a group of random strangers breathes a sigh of relief and starts cracking jokes with each other.

So thank you demon duck man, you may have terrified old ladies but you made a bus full of people smile for a minute.

I’ve got less than 10 minutes to write this- so forgive typos

I have never been able to write my own name in the snow with my urine. I don’t have the kind of equipment that makes that easy for me. But just because it is not something i can do easily, I don’t deny that people can write their names in the snow.

I also have never been pulled over for driving while black. Actually, anytime someone has been pulled over while I’m in the car- they get off with a warning. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think black drivers get pulled over more often than whites. It means I listen to my black friends when they talk about their experiences and I believe that what they experience is real. i do not have to have known a situation to feel empathy for it.

So when I say that what I have experienced from Christianity is sexist and some guy goes out of his way to prove me wrong by twisting words, I wonder if he’s ever tried to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes- especially a pair of high heels?

And the Paul to the romans bit, nice but even lax Christians are told about how Eve made Adam eat the apple and got them banished and how woman was made from Adams rib. For Lot it was better to sacrifice his own daughters to be raped rather than let the Angels be (hello they’re Angels- can they not defend themselves?). And the only contemporary of Jesus who was a woman is portrayed as a whore and not a disciple. So yeah- pretty anti-woman. i don’t want anything to do with a religion that thinks sacrificing your daughters to rape is Christian thing to do.

for an example, read the comments from this post