Better Man

In the comments to the last post, Wonder and I were talking about a phenomena we frequently run into in relationships.

“You make me want to be a better man”

“You’re my moral compass”

If we had a dollar for every guy that said that kind of stuff, we’d be much better off than we are. I don’t know how widespread this idea is that woman are supposed to be the ethics moderators for men, I only know how common it is in my relationships. And it SUCKS!

Granted, this is a kind of power can be sort of an aphrodisiac, at first. It seems like it’s the power to teach someone something hugely important to the human existence (whether or not you believe in god). But the truth usually shows itself soon enough. You are not teaching them to be better people, you are the excuse they use to continue to be selfish and small minded. They don’t have to do the hard thinking or feel guilt over being an asswipe because you are there to do it for them. It’s the relationship version of catholic confession, a way to rid yourself of sin without doing the hard work of actual atonement.

And I wonder if this isn’t the natural progression of making women the gatekeepers of sex, something that comes up way to frequently when talking about morals. Personally, I think any kind of sex between consenting adults is fine and not any sort of moral failing, but when you make morals so much about sexuality, and you make women the gatekeepers of sex, then it’s not a giant leap to think that women are the gate keepers of morality too. (Add the not small belief that women are responsible for original sin and we get the extra burden of making up for that for all eternity by being the sacrificing and compassionate sex).

Wonder says she wants a guy who is a better feminist than she is. (Good luck with that). I would be happy with a guy has his own strong ethical beliefs and internal moral compass. I am already teaching one male (the Kid) how to be moral, I don’t want to do it for a grown up.

Fwd: Burger Scrooge

Sojourners wrote:

Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2007 17:09:42 GMT
From: “Sojourners”
To: “Lisa Hull”
Subject: Burger Scrooge

Burger Scrooge

Dear Lisa,
For Christmas, Burger King is trying to make the country’s poorest workers even poorer.
A few months ago, we asked you to send messages to Burger King, asking them to join McDonald’s and Taco Bell in increasing the sub-poverty wages of Florida tomato pickers.
Almost 20,000 of you responded, but Burger King’s behavior has only gotten worse. Not only have they failed to heed the faith community’s call to improve wages and working conditions for tomato pickers – they’re working to undermine the Coalition of Immokalee Workers’ existing agreements with other fast-food chains!
As Eric Schlosser, author of Fast-Food Nation, explained in the New York Times:

The migrant farm workers who harvest tomatoes in South Florida have one of the nation’s most backbreaking jobs. For 10 to 12 hours a day, they pick tomatoes by hand, earning a piece-rate of about 45 cents for every 32-pound bucket. During a typical day each migrant picks, carries, and unloads two tons of tomatoes.

Yum! Brands (owner of Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and KFC) and McDonald’s had agreed to pay a penny more per pound to increase wages by 70 percent per bucket, but this holiday season workers aren’t receiving the increase. Why? Because Burger King has refused to pay the extra penny …

and its refusal has encouraged tomato growers to cancel the deals already struck with Taco Bell and McDonald’s. This month the Florida Tomato Growers Exchange, representing 90 percent of the state’s growers, announced that it will not allow any of its members to collect the extra penny for farm workers.

A Burger King spokesman responded, “Florida growers have a right to run their businesses how they see fit” – apparently, even if that means putting profits ahead of justice and dignity for their workers.
Meanwhile, on Wall Street, Goldman Sachs – a major shareholder in Burger King, with two representatives on the board of directors – is preparing to pay holiday bonuses. Last year, Goldman Sach’s top 12 executives received more than $200 million in bonuses – more than twice the annual earnings of 10,000 Florida tomato pickers.
As we read of such injustices in this time of Advent, we reflect upon God’s justice and mercy, as described in the words of Mary:
[God] has brought down the powerful from their thrones, and lifted up the lowly; [God] has filled the hungry with good things, and sent the rich away empty (Luke 1:52-53).
Advent reminds us that God intends well-being for all, not just some. We hope you’ll join us in taking action.
Blessings,
Elizabeth, Ryan, Duane, and the rest of the team at Sojourners
P.S. We need Burger King to hear loud and clear that it is time to ensure fair wages for tomato pickers. Can you please share this message with at least five of your friends, members of your family, or congregation?
Quote source: Eric Schlosser, “Penny Foolish.” The New York Times, 11/29/2007.

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Feminist lessons for the kid

The Kid is reading the Da Vinci Code, and like most people who have read it he has become OBSESSED.

I remember this age, I think I went batshit over the Mist’s of Avalon, but I am sure I was not nearly as cute in my obsession as the Kid

Kid: Mom, did you know that the symbols we use for man and women, you know the one with the arrow and the one that looks like a person, are wrong.

Me: Really, what are they supposed to be?

Kid: Well, the woman is really a cup, but it looks like a V. And the men, it’s an upside down V. It’s supposed to mean spear but (In super quiet whisper) it really looks like a phallus.

Me: You know why I like the other symbols better?

Kid: Why?

Me: Cause in Christianity there is this idea that women aren’t really people, but empty vessels that are useless till you fill them up, like a cup. I like the other symbol better cause it let’s women be people, not empty objects.

Imaginary Pet Blogging- Ruby the Rebel


When last we left Ruby, she had gone to Buenos Aires for the annual tango festival. In Argentina, Ruby fell on hard times and found herself doing a burlesque tango show at a brothel. One night, when Ruby’s fishnets were on their last leg and tips were low in walked Miguel Luis Manana Naranja, head of Espanovision, the second largest media network in all of Latin America.

Miguel took one look at Ruby’s tattered fishnets and determined, furry face and decided that she was his new it girl, er hamster. He whisked Ruby out of the brothel and into a whirlwind of fancy parties, private jets and lavish dinners. He gave her a gold plated hamster wheel for her new penthouse apartment and made the producers of As the Wheel Turns create a part for Ruby based on her life in the brothel.

At first Ruby was overwhelmed by Miguel’s kindness and all the luxury. Her water bottled was filled with nothing but imported French sparkling water that had been blessed by deaf -mute nuns. She had her own private stash of silkworms who worked day and night spinning out fresh silk for her bedding. Miguel took her everywhere with him. But the fast life was wearing on her. She found herself shooting up pure Columbian coffee and snorting echinacea just to get out of bed in the morning. She was far from her punk rock feminist ideal.

One night Miguel took her to one of his high stakes poker parties. He said she was his lady luck and had to go with him when she tried to decline out of exhaustion. She half heartedly threw on a long silk gown, did a line of coffee and smeared some lipstick on her tiny hamster lips.

At the poker table, Miguel was losing big to Rupert Murdoch. Murdoch wanted control of Espanovision and Miguel had gambled everything he had, except his shares in the company. The final straw was when he gambled Ruby on a bet to get everything back. Ruby was pissed, she wasn’t possession he could dump when the stakes were high. Before the game could continue, Ruby ran out of the night and away from her luxury life.

She found her way to a clinic for coffee addicts in Peru. While there she became obsessed with the stories she heard of the Shining Path. After her life as a capitalist tool, she wanted to contribute to a great cause, and the Shining path seemed the way for her to do that. When she was strong enough, she packed up a simple rucksack with bread and nuts and trecked off into the Peruvian countryside to throw herself in with the rebels.

This was going to be about Christmas.

This morning I was getting ready to compose a post about the whole “Merry Christmas Controversy”, in which I was going to implore my fellow Christians not to participate in the uncharitable complaining which has cropped up in recent years in the face of well-meaning, or even purely commercial attempts to recognize the seasonal celebrations of our non-christian neighbors.

I was going to comment that this sort of harping seems to originate from voices whose agendas appear inconsistent, at least in this Christian’s viewpoint, with the teachings, much less the example, of Jesus. Of course if you’re a Christian who read this blog, I’m probably preaching to the choir.

I was going to explain that this “War on Christmas” nonsense makes us look like fools at best, and worse, that it encourages the kind of bigotry that led a group of young men, who probably consider themselves Christians, to attack group of young Jewish men and women on a subway for replying to their “Merry Christmas” with “Happy Hanukkah”

But I want to stop right there for a moment. I’ve got more to say on the Christmas thing, but something caught my attention, and I almost skipped right past it.

If you’ve been following the conversation on here the last week, you’ve noticed the phrase “human tribe” popping up a few times. You’ve seen that the recurring theme this week has been — what motivates people to help others when it’s not in their own direct self-interest?

You’ve read Red’s heartfelt thank-you to someone who helped her out, depite their disagreements.

We’ve wondered out loud how to change society so that helping people in need is the norm.

Now let’s go back to that subway.

Cause I wanna take notice of one of those people we’re talking about. Those people, like the KBR employee with the cell phone, and Red’s not-so-anonymous benefactor. A regular person, who didn’t just stand by & do nothing.

His name is Hassan Askari. He’s a 20-year old accounting student from Bangladesh, who says he’s not a hero. He’s a Muslim, but he wasn’t thinking about the religious differences between himself and these strangers.

“I didn’t have time to think about that,” he said. “I was more thinking that these guys were going to get beaten up and I should do something.”

According to Mr. Askari, his parents are proud of him.
They taught him to stand up for others.

Because it’s the right thing to do.

Favorite Christmas Songs

I don’t like traditional Christmas songs for the most part. Sure, I can sing O Christmas Tree in the original German and know most of the words to Adeste Fidelus, but I prefer my Christmas with a side of music with some rock and roll 80’s pop in it.

So I have a cheesy weakness for the Beach Boys “Little Saint Nick”. I know all the lyrics and will sing it loudly and off key whenever it comes on the radio.

Some other faves

The Waitresses- Christmas Wrapping (the same peeps that do I Know What Boys Like)

Erasure- Another Lonely Chrsitmas

The Pretenders- 2000 Miles

And my all time favorite Christmas song- The Ramones- Merry Christmas (I don’t want to fight tonight with you)

Know them by their deeds

One of my few strengths is being able to admit when I’m wrong. And I have to say a great big huge apology to someone who I was not terribly kind to.

Last night, Wonder told me someone wanted to help out my current situation with some money, anonymously if they could. I wracked my brains trying to think who it could be, but I could not have been more shocked when I saw who it was (turns out paypal isn’t so anonymous). This is someone I have not been nice to, someone I have been pretty dismissively mean to. For that, I am sorry. I guess I figured you were one of those types of Christians I run across all the time, all talk and judgment, not a lot of charity.

Thank you for your generous gift. I know you have kids and it’s Christmas,that money could have gone for toys for your own kids. So please know it means a lot to us. It will help us get some groceries and cover overdraft fees until we get food stamps, and I am sure that if the Kid knew you’re the reason we get to have a really good dinner tonight, he’d give you a tackle hug.

For not giving you the benefit of the doubt before, I am sorry. I am sure we will find many many ways to disagree in the future, but performing an act of charity for someone you don’t get along with very well is pretty much the top of the list of ways Christians are supposed to be good. I am sorry, and thankful, and very impressed.

I, Splotchy

I’ve been tagged by Brave Sir Robin, so here goes.

I, Splotchy: This Story Is A Virus :

Here’s what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don’t know how realistic it is, but that’s what I’m aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

MathMan has tagged me to add to the story, which reads….

I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

“That’s strange,” I said out loud to no one in particular. My fingers slowly reached towards the jar again. My body experienced a wave of apprehension as weighted blanket covering me as I did so. The jar was completely frozen.

I picked it up and stared at it, my fingers stung with little knives of chill. “What the…” again I spoke aloud. Then I realized what had happened with a shock. Suddenly the jar flew from my hand. It shattered creating a collage-like mixture of frozen applesauce and glass shards on my kitchen floor, the lid lazily rolling to a stop across the room. (FranIam)

I stood for a moment considering what all this meant. Oh, I knew what it meant, I didn’t need to waste time thinking about it. He was back. And he was mad.

I ran down the hallway and flung open the door at the end. I was immediately hit with a blast of cold. I took a step back as I tried to catch my breath. I bent over, hands on my knees panting. He always had this remarkable effect on me. After so much time, it no longer scared me, but it was a shock nonetheless……

“You know,” I panted, “There’s no need to break things to get my attention.” (DCup)

I woke up in the same position as in my dream, on my knees. I was sweating even though room was freezing. (mathman6293)

I was used to the house being quite cold in the mornings, as the night log usually burns out around one AM when I am dreaming cozily under my covers, not normally waking to put a new one on until morning. I was surprised because on the rare occasions that it actually had reached sub-freezing temperatures in the house, I had awakened in the night to restart the fire. I would have been worried about the pipes before P-Day, but there hadn’t been running water in two years and that was one of the few advantages to being dependent on rainwater, no pipes. (Freida Bee)

The nightmares began during the following spring. The apple trees came to life in my dreams. At first the trees spoke and I thought they were amusing. That changed when the messages arrived. Lately, their anger was directed at me. (mathman6293)

The sound of the front porch floorboards creaking snapped me out of my reverie. I stood up, grabbed my shotgun and made sure a round was chambered, then quietly made my way into the front room and over to the window. As I peeked out past the closed curtains, my heart began to beat rapidly.

It can’t be, the incredulous thought came, I saw him die last year!
(Phydeaux)
There was no doubt it was him. I knew the minute he tried to meow and managed only a croak. I could feel him purring before he even reached my leg. As he started to rub against me I bent to pick him up but that’s as far as I got. I smelled her perfume. I didn’t see her and the scent was very faint, but a man doesn’t forget the smell of a woman like her. As my arms pulled Sylvester to my chest my eyes were closed. The smell of her was strong on him, and my mind carried me back to the last time I’d buried myself in that heady fragrance. “Sorry I took your cat”, she said.
(Brave Sir Robin)

For a minute, all I could do was stare at her gape-mouthed in the manner of a man seeing a ghost. Finally, I found my tongue.

“I’d invite you in for coffee, but everything is frozen”.

‘That’s all right” she said “I like it iced now”.

Over what can only be described as black coffee slushies, she told me the story of how she stole my cat and ran away to make her fortune as a curandera in the jungles of Bolivia. After nearly a year of sweltering heat and bugs, the only magic she had left was the cat’s ability to freeze things. She could no longer produce the raised eyebrow of doom or break ear drums with her sarcastic cackle. When I asked her why she returned, the story got even more convoluted.

” After being run out of Bolivia, I found work at a brothel in Buenos Aires. By the way, your cat learned a few new tricks there. I suggest never saying the words frozen chicken in Spanish to him, you may not like the results. At the brothel I met this tango dancing hamster named Ruby. She told me that the only way I could get my powers back was to…( Red Queen)

I tag Varkentine, cause I think he has the right kind of pervy mind to continue this. Brandann cause Varkentine “doesn’t do committee written stories”

More on the human tribe and apathy

Shakes has the horrific story of a 15 year old girl in Brazil who was thrown into a prison for men and gang raped for a month.

The standard response is “Why didn’t anyone do something”

I will say right here- none of us knows what we would have done in that situation. The statistics show that most of us would have ignored it. Even if we think we would have done something, the chances are that we wouldn’t have, and I am just as guilty despite my general concern and proggy tendencies.

So instead of lamenting the human condition and being outraged that nothing was done to help this girl, I want to know what do we do to change society so that helping is the standard response and ignoring the pain of others is the shameful response instead of the backwards way we have it now.