With all the talk about women and cooking, I thought I would share one of my little secret desires.

After eating my country pork ribs in sticky barbque sauce, my favorite Aunt asked why I didn’t go to culinary school and open a restaurant. I don’t want the pressure or responsibility of owning a restaurant, and I don’t want to spend years in a hot kitchen as some male chef’s underling. And I don’t want to be stuck in the kitchen. The thing I like best about cooking for people is their reactions to it.

So I love throwing dinner parties. Someone once described my parties as barefoot bohemian affairs with gorgeous food and much wine. That pretty much sums it up. I’ve had as many as 17 people in my little apartment sitting cross legged on the floor balancing plates of yumminess. I love that.

So when I heard about this Honk Kong phenomenon of “Secret Kitchens” I got all dopey eyed. Instead of running a restaurant, these people throw little dinner parties in their homes for pay. I would love to do the same thing here and I doubt that there is anyone else in the city who can do both vegan and gluten free meals that meat eaters and bread fanatics love.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I can charge my friends for eating here and I have no idea how one would go about drumming up customers for a secret business (shhhhhhhhh- don’t tell the health inspector).

OUYANG: hey hey we’re the monkeys!
ME: and people say we monkey around
but we’re too busy singing
to put anybody down
ME: miss ME
OUYANG: like crazy!
hahaha
ME: aweeeeee
OUYANG: i amused myself by giving advice to a father who wants to raise a feminist daughter of five
ME: I did that too
OUYANG: i see that…dear FSM it takes ME so long to write a comment that five people lap me in the mean time
ME: if you just let the typos fly you can write much faster
OUYANG: hahaha…i should try that sometime…
OUYANG: oh noes! MElissa at shakesville is claiming to be the “queen cunt”…i thought you owned that title!!!!11!
hahaha
ME: Nah- she’s the queen cunt of fuck mountain, I’m queen of the universe
different princpalities
OUYANG: oh ok…just checking
ME: actually- different queendoms
OUYANG: [wink]
Sent at 3:19 PM on Wednesday
OUYANG: damn…i am behind on my shakes…i have no idea what is bringing the wrath
ME: the same thing that has been pissing me off- liberal white dudes and their sexism
It’s nice to know i am not the only one driven to near nuclear explosions
OUYANG: i am trying to find some threads
i have been told that i lose my point when i get emotionally invested in the argument…so i have backed the fuck off lately
ME: the periodically speaking threads- one by liss and one by jeff fecke where he apologizes for not picking up on the sexism sooner
Guys never get told they are losing the point when they get emotional
OUYANG: i just saw that
i know…gah it pisses ME off…
i should have saved my AIM chat from last night for royal amusement
ME: ohhhhhhhh yes
and since sexist arguments are almost always the same- it’s easy to develop a few biting retorts that work universally when you analyze on fight
OUYANG: yup yup yup
ME: Like “but I clean and cook and care for kids!” Big Fucking deal. You take care of your house and children like you are supposed to
No one gets a pat on the head for doing that. It’s like “I wiped my own ass today”
OUYANG: i know!
BTW i love kate harding
ME: I am really pissed off that an essay about WOMEN gets turned into all about how boys are mistreated
And I love kate harding too
OUYANG: three times in three days i was referred to as “domestic” b/c of my cooking…of course i enjoy it, it’s in my biology!!!
gah!
ME: can’t win for losing
either all we are good for is house keeping domesticity or we are wanton sluts who can’t take care of ourselves
OUYANG: i know that there are facets of feminism…and i know that bigotry and stereotypes transcend all class, gender blah blah blah…it’s the extremes we are dealing w/ here…
ME: yep
OUYANG: Men are not declared gay on the spot (as if that is an insult) for enjoying cooking…if they were, all the chefs on fucking TV would be gay
ME: I know- and CHEFS are always Men, cooks are women
even with my friends who are professional level chefs, if they have a vagina they are COOKS
OUYANG: i know i know…it is frustrating as hell to try to explain that to anyone b/c they start crying “you’re being a reverse sexist” or soME horse shit like that
ME: OMG_ I know. Or “Angry much?” Yes i am angry, deservedly so
OUYANG:
it is so hard when people we see as “good guys” lash out like that
ME: it’s the hardest
when it’s people you like
but that is the nature of sexism, it’s freaking everywhere
you can’t escape it by surrounding yourself with good people
OUYANG: yup…my fav was when my friend dragged out the “what do you say to the women who don’t think like you”
and “you have cognitive bias…two women could hear that comment and only you take offense b/c you are looking for sexism
ME: What women? I’ve Met exactly one and she was a raving nut case Ayn rand fan
OUYANG: well i told him i thought they were self-defeating…
maybe not right…but that’s MHO
ME: I would have told him that maybe they wouldn’t talk about it in front of him cause they know he’s a sexist, but to other women they would
OUYANG: ugh…hindsight
but i do know women like that…but here’s a surprise…they are all SAHMs or republicans
usually both
ME: Yes, but like i said, sexists are predictable. That argument will come up again and now you have new ammo
OUYANG: true true
ME: And those women who are SAHMs, ask them once their kids are all school aged and they are bored to freaking tears cleaning toilets everyday
OUYANG: oh, one of them asked ME who took care of my kids while i was working…
implying that only SAHMs provide that service…
ME: I know- i spend as much time with the Kid as SAHM’s do, but I bet i know my kid better
OUYANG: probably…b/c i get limited time i make use of it…talk about school, etc
ME: yep
and cause you aren’t tied to a house all day, you prolly like yourself better and are happier as a mom
OUYANG: oh yes…in fact i have been going a little stir crazy in my job search
i fucking hate hawaii…obama got 76%!!!
gah!
but things rain sexism here…i am not surprised…and the white hatred is huge
ME: Its becoming inevitable
I am so happy i live in a blue state and don’t HAVE to vote for him in Nov
I don’t know if we have write in spaces for president
If we do- I’m putting in Hil
If not- I’m voting socialist
Sent at 3:50 PM on Wednesday
OUYANG: hahaha
nice one
OUYANG: hey! ron i am a racist sexist ass paul is out?!?!
ME: what
OUYANG: did he give up yet???
ME: about time
OUYANG: i haven’t confirmed yet…
jeff fecke says that paul took his $73 million and went home
ME: I can’t find the news
I want to take 73 million home
OUYANG: damn…i don’t think it’s true yet
ME too!
shit i would split it w/you!
ME: If I turn myself into a racist, sexist, libertarina candidate
can I get 73 million
and btw- libertarina is my newly coined word
OUYANG: i think so…i think it’s in the job description
ME: damn

Kid: Mom, what does emasculate mean?

Me: It means to say or do something to a man that makes him less masculine.

Kid: So can you defeminate someone?

Me: No. No matter what happens, I will always be a woman. But for men there is this silly idea that you can take their manhood away through insults. There is also a word effeminate, that is used to describe a boy who isn’t masculine enough. Kinda sucks for you and it’s really stupid that the worst insult you can say to a boy is that he’s a girl.

Kid: That’s dumb.

Me: Yep. But you know, we don’t think there is really any difference between masculine and feminine. Girls can be strong and boys can be sweet. They are both just made up descriptions.

(Why is it that it is so easy for a 12 year old to understand these things, but 30 year old men still think I am going to sympathize because someone called them girly? Seriously, being compared to half the population of the world is not so bad. It’s not like someone called you a Bush lover)

Sex and the City was a TV show, not an anthropological blue print to the minds of all ladies between 18 and 40. Please stop using Carry Bradshaw references to make your point about wacky single girls. We are not a monolith and we are not all able to be put into Carry, Miranda, Charlotte or Samantha categories.

Unlike the make believe Carry, I cook, fabulously well actually. I know how to make a bechamel sauce from a rue. I know how to do things with fleshy animals that would make your mouth water and your tummy growl. And every girl I know cooks something. But I get tired of cooking every single night. Sure, there may be some girls who don’t know how to cook, but most of us single types learn how to cook because we have to. Very few of us have the kind of budgets that make restaurants and take out a nightly affair (especially with the 70 cents on the dollar wage gap).

And Micheal Pollan- STFU already. Has anyone ever noticed that when it comes to improving the quality of life by eschewing modern consumerism that the onus for those corrections is put on women.

Let’s see

Environmental fixes: woman are the ones sorting the trash from the recycling, using craptastic non-toxic cleaners that increase the time they spend doing laundry or scrubbing toilets, hunting down recycled unbleached toilet paper and washing cloth napkins to save a tree, looking for organic cotton t shirts and socks that will very quickly be ruined and/or lost by most children.

And food. When it was slow food, who do you think it is spending all those extra hours in the kitchen making slow cooked soups and sauces instead of opening up a can. It is women who spend the time and effort hunting down locally grown, organic, nitrate free all natural goodness while trying to stay within the family budget (they don’t call it whole paycheck foods for nothing). It is women who are required to stay up on the latest whole grain, low fat, high protein, no carbs, good carbs, too much sodium, god fats, transfats, not enough vitamin whatever and don’t forget to get enough folic acid cause you might be pre-pregnant bullshit.

And don’t even get me started on those stupid Barbara Bush commercials about families eating dinner together. Seriously, if you want families to eat dinner together then make it so Mom and Dad don’t each need 2 jobs to pay the mortgage. But the guilt trip about how children suffer when nobody sits down to dinner with them is directed straight to moms.

That is all

I was describing to someone this morning why it is exactly that Obama fans piss me off. “They are like those frat boys who listen to Dave Matthews. They think they are being all sensitive and progressive but they are really just over privileged white boys”

But someone at Jezebel gets it! Yay. (Third bullet down)

Do NOT leave Comedy Central on after Stewart & Colbert are done.

Here’s how a real leader deflects a sophomoric personal smear…

And it’s not getting better.

For the first time ever, I may not vote for the Democrat in the presidential election. I am pissed off the Obama’s supporters are acting like rabid, foaming mouthed Republicans. I am pissed off that Hillary had the ovaries to apologize when someone from her campaign said something slightly racist, but Obama lets sexist tripe slide out of his own lips without batting an eye.

I will not vote for bullying. I will not vote for misogyny. Up until a few days ago, I thought we had two great candidates. I don’t think that now. I will throw a vote away on the green party or the socialist workers party, but I won’t support a candidate (or his supporters) who think that women are the throw away vote. Just cause we’ve always been willing to vote the party line before does not mean we will do so now.

I am pissed off more than anything that I might be pushed into this corner. What does your precious electibility mean when you’ve insulted, demeaned and bullied the base of your party? The Republicans know how hard it is to win a campaign when you fuck with the base.

I am so pissed off right now that I have to back away from this blog for a bit. I will stab out the eyes of someone who makes another sexist remark to me, and that is not a healthy state to be in. I don’t get to walk away from sexism when I am tired of fighting because no matter what, I am always going to be a girl and misogyny is like a creepy subway groper who keeps pushing his hardon into your leg. But you can never get off the train and away from it, the groper is always there. Talking to you boys is like saying “Hey, there’s an asshole trying to rub his cock on my ass” and you boys all responding with excuses: it’s not really his cock, it’s only an accident, it happens to everyone, blah blah blah. I find it astonishing that my 12 year old boy has no problem calling out sexism when he sees it, but grown up men can’t.

Until I can think about this without grinding my teeth, clenching my fists and wishing I could use my Brazilian horse whip over the internet, I am going to go read about happy things and write about happy things, and maybe find a subby boy who has a high tolerance for pain.