Quick, run over to CNN and vote for Hillary in their little poll. Larry King is going to read the results to Obama when he is on his show. Wouldn’t it be grand to see the messiah brought down a bit by our favorite girl?
Monthly Archives: March 2008
First it was Apocalypse Ponies
I can has Exceptionalism
“But I’m not a typical girl”
“But Europeans are so much more open about sex”
“I don’t like western religions because of all the crap, I’m a Buddhist”
“But you’re not like, one of those FOB Mexicans.”
“He’s so articulate”
Yeah- I call bullshit on each and every one of those lines. I have to admit, I used to be the exceptional girl. All my friends were guys, I was praised for my common sense and cause I didn’t act like the other silly girls. I took pride in the fact that the guys let me hang out with them and I have been known to say “I just don’t like other girls, they’re so catty”.
And then I grew up and started using my brain.
Over at Reclusive Leftist someone said something about how we Americans as sooooo backwards about sex and why can’t we just be like Europeans. Last time I checked the continent of Europe had not eradicated rape or sexual harassment. Hell, Swiss women were only guaranteed the right to vote in the early 90’s, I think. German mothers who work outside the home are called “ravenmutters” or raven mothers and are looked down on. Yeah so shut up with the Europe is better than you crap. You’ve just got different problems.
And Buddhism as the be all end all of egalitarian religions- nope. It is only with this Dahli Lama that being born a woman is no longer considered a punishment for sins in a past life. Oh and the poor Tibetans may have been a little reluctant to fight the Chinese because the Buddhist monks had been raking their cash in like the Catholic church. (Not that China shouldn’t get the fuck out of Tibet). And then there is the problem of Buddhist nuns, who are just house cleaners for the monks. Wouldn’t want to fill their brains with divine inspiration if it might interfere with the nuns makin me a sammich.
Exceptionalism peeps, is the process of patting someone on the head for acting out of “stereotype”. Watch out when someone says something that sounds like “but they are different from all the others” cause they probably aren’t different at all. It’s just a way to keep the people (or countries or religions, etc) from fighting back against the massive system of oppression we got pinning us to the floor everyday. If you are exceptional, then you can think the oppression isn’t sticking a tack through your middle like an insect specimen.
But then you’re just an idiot. The rest of us can see your thumbtack.
Best. Headline. Ever!
From Jezebel:
Women Are Underrepresented In Corporate America. Corporate America Is A Laughingstock. Coincidence?
Same could be said of politics.
I am still Hillary Clinton
and every time some “news” agency brings up that stupid blue dress, I am forced to remember the awful public humiliation everyone had to suffer through so that ken Starr could get some wank material.
Lingua Franca
So I have been trying to master a few phrases in French before I leave Saturday.
I can speak Spanish, Italian, Russian, Hindu, Farsi, even some Hebrew. (not fluently, but I don’t sound like a total idiot when saying “your mom sucks goat ass” in any of them)
But I cannot fricken say “I do not understand French.” or “Do you speak English” without stuttering, badly. I do better if I scream it out like I have tourettes.
“Je ne comprends pas le français! Je ne comprends pas le français!”
Ouyangdan says I’m just acting the part of a loud American tourist.
Je suis américain! Je suis américain
As if the French won’t be able to tell that before I ever open my mouth.
Interesting thing I learned on technorati
Lot’s of conservative bloggers have given Hillary the nickname “The Red Queen”.
Sweet. I’m so down with sharing it. You know why?
Cause bitchez get stuff done, and there is no bigger bitch than the Red Queen.
Unity Ponies!
Its what’s for dinner.
Seriously though you peeps, what is up with all the unity speak? Why the fuckity fuck are we trying to lower our standards to attract idiots who voted for Bush. Why the fuckity fuck is “moderate” the ideal in this country.
We have had 8 years of conservative economic policy. We are heading into the Great Depression Redux. We’ve had our civil liberties stripped, our health and safety ignored (hello ecoli spinach, hello FDA that let’s drug companies push through dangerous drugs as long as they don’t interfere with the possible implantation of baby Jesus’ second coming embryo. ) We’ve got wars going on in 2 places and the rethuglikans want to start a 3rd one.
And you want unity? Are you slow?
Peeps, we have unequivocal proof that conservative ideas are nothing but a pile of horseshit wrapped in the remnants of our constitution (which has probably been riddled with bullets by the 2nd amendment dicks). And you want to entice these people by using their ideas?
You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.
The shitstorm our next leader is going to face is Katrina sized, and we ain’t got no levies.
Rethuglikans will leave us stranded in the superdome.
Screw the unity ponies, I want reeducation camps for the idiots who are claiming that we are in this mess because Bush isn’t a true conservative. I want the ass-licking “journalists” who make up McCain’s base to be sent back to J school. And I want the Obamabots to get a fucking grip. Why the hell would you invite people to your party who are just going to shit in your punchbowl?
Besides, I prefer my ponies apocalypse style, thankyouverymuch.
Florida And Michigan Must Be Counted.
If the Democratic Party leadership does not find a way to seat the delegates from Michigan and Florida, either by holding a re-vote (which I think is needed in Michigan, as all the candidate’s names were not on the ballot), or finding some way to count the votes that were cast in the Primaries, McCain will win by default.
John McCain will become the next President.
Not because the nominee will be un-electable.
Not because legions of disgruntled Obama or Clinton supporters will cross party lines to vote for McCain.
Because the election will be stolen.
As it was in 2000, and in 2004.
And a party that has selected its nominee on the backs of the blatant, public disenfranchisement of millions of voters will have no moral authority to stand up to sneaky tactics like “malfunctioning” machines, misleading poll information, confusing ballots, hackers, misdirection, ID challenges, and caging lists. Much less a U.S. Supreme Court that leans even farther to the right than the one that handed George W. Bush the election he lost.
And I know, I know, there are “rules” that were broken. But here’s the thing. Those rules were broken by politicians playing games.
Not by the voters.
We didn’t all get together one day and decide we didn’t want our votes to count.
So the next time you hear someone say, or are tempted to say yourself, “They broke the rules,” I want you to try something. I want you to replace that phrase with one of these ones:
What were you doing on the street at that hour?
He ‘matched the description’ of the suspect.
If you don’t want ‘attention’ don’t dress like that.
Their parents are here illegally.
They’re ‘pushing their lifestyle’ on the public.
She was ‘leading him on’.
He’s a ‘problem child’ who can’t learn.
Because you’re basically making the same argument.
The Return of Ruby Blogging
I know you peeps have been anxiously waiting for another installment of imaginary pet blogging. Ruby isn’t feeling the muse lately and we have put off compiling her autobiography until it returns. Instead, she has told me that it is ok to give you 10 fun facts about Ruby that you prolly don’t know:
1) Ruby’s great great grandmother is the inspiration for the Decemberists’ song My Mother was a Chinese Trapeze Artist. Sung Fei made her living in pre-war Paris putting on shows with a troupe of acrobats. She later became part of the French resistance who used her to smuggle bombs because of her ability to juggle cumbersome objects in high places.
2) Ruby is deathly allergic to yellow dye. Thank god I hate the color yellow, it’s why she feels safe in my care.
3) Ruby’s favorite food is Bulgarian feta. I don’t know why.
4) Britney Spears called Ruby for help after the whole Doctor Phil debacle. Ruby knows some black magic and she put an impotence curse on the doc for blabbing her personal information. If you see his wife, Robin, looking more grumpy lately- that’s why.
5) Ruby auditioned for the part of Laura Roslyn in Battlestar Gallactica. She was offered the part but couldn’t take it because she had a coffee addiction relapse and had to go back to rehab.
6)The Palestinians and Israelis have agreed to peace talks if Ruby will be the facilitator. Unfortunately the only building they have agreed to hold the talks in is painted bright yellow. Once they can agree on a new meeting place, Ruby will be off to set things right.
7) Ruby has special high heels made for her by Stewart Weitzman in tiny hamster sizes.
8) George Clooney only started dating his new girlfriend after Ruby turned down a marriage proposal at his house in Lake Como, Italy. Ruby doesn’t believe in marriage.
9) The treasury department is thinking of putting Ruby on $100 bills.
10) Ruby drinks vodka tonics for breakfast. She says it’s to ward off malaria, but i think she might just be an alchy.