Monthly Archives: May 2008

Lights! Internet! Action!

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Hi Kids! Did you miss me?

I missed you.

So I have some tiny powers of observation even without power (you might have noticed that I knew we had a megatroll boring us all to sobs). RQ is slightly omnipotent.

Let’s all give thanks to our darling mediatrix and a special thanks to the ghost who published my letter to a certain troll for me (from a text I sent to her email no less).

I have always wanted to be the bastard love child of Dorothy parker and Mae West and hold salons full of sharp wit and good manners. I find trolls to be very, very uncouth, much like pissing in the punchbowl. I don’t tolerate atrocious manners from people in real life (you should see me tear into line cutters and parking spot stealers)so someone who comes into a place that I consider my second home behaving badly is a definite no no.

But you, my darling friends and readers, have all shown yourselves to be full of charm and wit and intellect and that is always a plus.

Thanks,
RQ

An Oldie But a Goodie

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Or, the Comment Policy, as written by the Red Queen (see, “Red” starts with “R”, and “Queen” starts with “Q”. Even my six year old knows that reading is fundamental).

Cause it’s my (our) blog, my (our) discretion.

If you’re racist, sexist, assholish, repetitive, annoying or even just plain boring – I reserve the right to edit your comments and replace them with the Barney song

I love you
You love Me
We’re a happy family

Or maybe I’m a little teacup. It’s a mood thing really. Also possible are such nursery hits like The Ensy Weensy Spider or Humpty Dumpty.

I also may turn really awful comments into a blogpost to be made fun of and mocked accordingly. If you don’t like these policies you are free to write your own blog and you are free to write on your own blog how mean and horrible I am and how you’re just a poor misunderstood asswipe. But not here.

Edited to Add- I have recently become fond of making up limericks mocking misogynists’ penis size as well as editing comments to reflect the internal thoughts of the cheetoh eating, basement dwelling, couldn’t get a date with a woman, male entitlement trolls. If you must troll, you should be pretty damn secure in knowing that your comments will be permanently changed to reflect your stalker/ date rapist tendencies.

UPDATE 10-19-2011 Damn, how long has this blog existed? Forever. But that’s off topic. What you should know, dear trolly shitheads, is that this blog is moderated by 2, yes 2 kick-ass Elizabitchez, separated by 9 fucking time zones. So for about 20 hours a day this blog  is fiercely guarded by one and often 2 Elizabeths. Do you want to feel the full might and furry of two pissed of Elizabeths? No you do not. Trust. So move along. Go whine and moan and gnash your measly teeth elsewhere you tiny infant of a man (or woman, but mostly man. Almost always man, except for the time we had the Jill Staneck forced birthers praying for my sinning ass. But the worst of those were still men.)

Also, unfortunately with the great eating of Haloscan by fucking Echo, I lost my comment editing abilities (sad face). No more nursery rhymes or jokes about nice guys. But the ban hammer is mighty and fierce and I will crush you with it. 

To Matthew The Troll

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Dear matthew/ julius/ tiny cock jim:

You are a troll and obviously an attention whore. You were warned yesterday that you are not welcome on my blog. I do not allow biggots or liars or people who are just tediously boring to comment here. You are the trifecta of all those things. You do not add anything of value to the conversation but you do manage to make blogs you troll the All About Tiny Penis Boy show for awhile. Look, you even have a whole blog post dedicated to your tiny cock now. I can only assume you are a masochist who gets
off on public humiliation. Now that you have been exposed i hope that you will have blown your wad (OMG a girl wrote a whole blog about my wee little man nugget) and will kindly leave. And don’t forget to take you spooge covered tissues with
you. All future comments from you will either be deleted or replaced with cute kitteh pics.

Sincerely, RQ

A Note From the Moderatrix

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Sorry kids.  We don’t allow people to spill nonsense and untruths here at Elizabitchez.

Before you go crying, please look up the words “censorship”, and “comment policy”.
No one is stopping you from spilling your lame ass attempts at garbled gobbledygook, you just have to get your own corner of the interwebs to do it.
And since you won’t be able to ask any questions, being that you naughty naughty monkeys have been banned, please fill your time reading the comments policy here.
Save the planet, Peace!
Much Love,
the Moderatrix

We’ve Got The Power!

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Well not exactly. But we will, either tomorrow or Saturday. And in just a very few minutes I will have to shut down my compy at work to install new compys in the whole lab. (New to us anyways, we are th bastard stepchild of the main campus and get their hand me downs).

So I will be computer-less for at least 24 hours. Think of this as an open thread and leave me something nice to read when SCL finally brings me back to the 21st century. I’ll take thoughts, musings, haiku, rants, jokes, you name it.

And enjoy this picture. Behind every great woman there isn’t necessarily a great man, but this is too cute not to post.

Hillary & Roosevelt

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So I am reading this fabulous book about Roosevelt’s Second Bill of Rights (see weirdly formatted post by phone below) and the similarities between Hillary and Roosevelt are pretty striking.

Roosevelt was not a theorist. He was an experimental pragmatist. To pull our country out of the Great Depression he threw every kind of social program at it he could think of. The ones that worked, he kept. The ones that didn’t, he scrapped.

But he also understood that a program working was more than just how much of a tangible improvement it made to the economy. He was very aware of how much fear and insecurity played a part in the worsening of the economy and in the creation of war. He was working to make everyone free from fear and free from want. That he was doing anything at all to help the millions that were ignored by Hoover went far in improving prospects.

So we know that for 16 years Hillary has been championing one of the rights that Roosevelt laid out in his second bill- universal health care. She’s always pushed for more access to education and to for greater economic opportunities for everyone. But it is with her little gas tax holiday that we truly see her Roosevelt side.

It’s not a huge, long lasting program to make to gas prices cheaper. It is a short term fix meant to whip the oil companies in line with a windfall profit tax (something Roosevelt did with war profiteers) and to give the American people hope that someone is trying to help them out. It is a sample taste at Costco of the better things to come if we buy the whole package.

And speaking of war profiteers, I was struck by Roosevelt’s absolute disgust over them. He could not tolerate people turning war into profitable business and selling out their fellow citizens for easy money. This is such a marked contrast to the five years of war brought to us by Haliburton and KBR and other military contractors that think milking the American public for all they’re worth is a right and proper response to wartime and the friendly executive branch that is so willing to overlook millions (billions?)in over payments and shady invoicing.

And I have to wonder, will Obama, with all his talk of unity, be willing to go after the war profiteers who are so firmly entwined with the Republican party he wants to placate with appeasement?

I don’t think he will. He has proven that he is not a fighter for the American people. He is no Roosevelt. And he is certainly no Hillary Clinton either.

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Irony: sitting at my dark kitchen table reading about roosevelt’s second bill of rights.

1 the right to employment.

2 the right to earn enough to provide adequate food clothing and recreation.

3 the right of every farmer to sell his goods at a rate that will give his family a decent living.

4 freedom from monopolies for businesses big and small.

5 the right of every family to a decent home.

6 the right to health care.

7 the right to adequate economic protection from old age sickness accident and unemployment.

8 the right to a good education

*Editor’s note:  the little images you are seeing…well I don’t know what they are, and I am trying to fix it for the Queen.
hugs!
Chang’e