but I’ve been raped.

I also know lots of women who have been raped, none of them have met the scary rapist in the bushes either.

The men who hurt women and girls are rarely the kind of men we expect to hurt women and girls. They aren’t ugly monsters who live under bridges. They are brilliant film makers or much loved musicians. They are men you would be proud to know. They are men that you call “friend” or “father” or “husband” or “brother” or “son”. They are “nice guys” or “genius” or “determined” or “ambitious” or “talented” or any number of other adjectives we use to describe men we like. They are pastors and teachers and doctors and judges. They are men with power over someone.

It is long past time when we let go of the idea that only certain types of men are rapists, the scary dark alley kind. My rapists wasn’t a scary dark alley type, he was a much loved musician type.

Until we start seeing a thing for what it is, we cannot figure out how to stop it. Rape is an act committed by someone with power over someone else. That’s it. It doesn’t require the rapist to be creepy looking or boogeymannish.

cannot and should not ever make them “illegal”.

It goes against the laws of physics. It goes against human rights. It goes against every strain of morality I can think of.

A person exists, regardless of what boundaries are drawn on a map or checkpoints they have crossed. A person’s mere existence cannot be illegal.

70 percent of child support cases in this country are in arrears. That means 70 percent of non custodial parents owe back child support. In some states, 50 percent of custodial parents haven’t seen a single child support payment in the last twelve months.

I’m one of them. Kid’s dad owes over $40k in back support, and his monthly payment isn’t huge, just $328. That’s not even close to half of what it costs to raise the kid. But hey, if his dad paid that much every month we wouldn’t be homeless, in debt (my total debt is way less than $10k)or needing to rely on public assistance.

As much as I would love to blame dead beat parents alone for the failures of the current child support system, when you have a 70 percent failure rate it is the system that is failing, and not the individuals in that system.

It’s been more than a decade since Bill Clinton included child support reforms in with welfare reform, and despite mandatory employment reporting and better information sharing between states, we still have a 70 percent failure.

So I am glad to see that someone is talking about it.

But- and this is a big ass but- as long as women and children are still seen as property instead of people by their exes, reform will be difficult. How do you make a fair parenting system when one half of a couple thinks they own the other half? How do you get kids the things they need in life when non-custodial parents ignore them at best, and are abusive and dangerous at worst?

And would all of this be moot if we, as a society, looked at the raising of children as a necessary job for the good of society and provided the resources to do that job well, instead of looking at children as the property of their parents not dissimilar to an automobile. Why are some kids left to rust on blocks in the yard when one of their parents walks away?

one to complain about obscenity on tv. I will bitch about the way women and and non-white, non-straight, non-ablebodied people are represented, but obscenity, wevs. Janet Jackson’s nipple didn’t bother me.

That said- Tom Delay on Dancing with the Stars is gross. And I don’t watch the show, but every single news channel has posted a clip. And MY EYES! OMG MY EYES! I feel like I need a bleach bath and a thousand hours of masterpiece theater to rid me of the terrible image of Tom Delay in brown polyester pants trimmed with leopard print and sequins shaking his gross ass and lip synching to Wild Thing.

I am traumatized, peeps. Trau-Ma-Tized. It’s been several days and I still can’t erase the horror from my memory.

I should totes put a trigger warning on this post for anyone else who has been traumatized by Delay. He looks like the dirty old man stereotype. He gives me nightmares. For the love of god, please someone stop him before he tangos again.

but a severe case of malaise, or ennui, or I don’t know what.

I’m not in the mood to keep writing about the thousand ways the world is awful.

Instead I give you the Last Puppet Bender. OD should be amused.

Since we have just got internet access today the Kid is chomping at the bit for me to hurry up and give him some internet time. Having just spent several days watching newsbunnies scream on tv, this is what I said to him

Me: Dude, some conservative douche said that porn makes you gay, all porn, especially teenage boys. And since we all know that the internet is for porn, I can’t let you on it or you’ll be gay.

Kid: You wouldn’t care if I was gay.

Me: No I really wouldn’t. But conservatives think that having a gay son is the worst thing ever. So no internet for you.

Thank you conservatives, for giving me a reason to hog the precious precious internet access.

And give a big round of applause to Gidget Commando for doing a helluva fill in job!

Kid and I made it, whoopee. We are still without regular internet access, though I have hijacked a laptop and wifi access at the moment. Until we get this resolved (I don’t know when) I’ll keep checking in as often as I can. But we are ok. Very ok. I knew that the mountains of stress I had been under was taking a physical toll (details are a wee bit tmi, even for me) but within 36 hours of landing I am back on the right path, if not 100 percent yet.

I’m getting ready to homeschool the Kid and just had a little meeting with a math tutor so I can figure out where to start him. I had a pretty good idea, but damn his old school fucked him over on the math teaching. He spent the last 2 years being an unpaid tutor and not learning much of anything. It makes me steam out the ears, the amount of wasted time and energy. But I think it will work out.

Having family around is awesome and weird. I am so used to it being just me and the Kid and quiet. But now there’s 7 to 9 of us around at any given time. It’s loud and crazy and there has been lots of hugs and tears. But good.

And hot. OMG people. I am a northern city girl in a tropical farm town. I love sweaters and knee high boots and trench coats in shades of black and grey. And none of that is wearable here. I may have to become one of those people that wears capri pants in sherbert colors. Stop me before I lose my gritty edge!

Much love to all of you that helped me get here, and sent good wishes. You kick ass.

Smooches!

From Tampa Bay Online: Anti-abortion conservatives are proposing a new constitutional amendment that critics claim would make it a crime to take birth control pills in Florida.

http://www2.tbo.com/content/2009/sep/10/110946/would-proposed-amendment-make-birth-control-illega/

Sheesh. I think these folks really need a new hobby. Bowling? I hear bowling’s fun. Knitting’s made quite the comeback. Hmmm….maybe taking care of all the unwanted children now in foster care? Ding-ding-ding-ding! We have a winner!

The good news (if any) is that they need over 676,000 petition signatures by February 1 to put it on next year’s ballot. Now we’ve had our fair share of anti-choice trolls here, but when you get down to brass tacks, even plenty of peeps who hate legalized abortion draw the line at getting rid of birth control. An awful lot of people who don’t like to talk about, well, you know, down there, still use active efforts to try to prevent unwanted pregnancy. I can’t see this effort getting anywhere. Can you? Or am Ijust uncharacteristically optimistic today?

Your funny for the day. This —http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2009/09/18/bad_grammar_trips_up_suspected_identity_thief/ — just cracked me up. (The identity thief’s bad grammar and spelling tripped him up.)

Boys and girls, it’s important to study hard in school. Otherwise, someday yor bad skilz may git you bustid.