Wonder and I have been diligently working to find an appropriate word to replace “crazy” in our vocabularies. I gotta tell you peeps, it ain’t been easy.

We need one word to perfectly sum up beliefs or actions that cause harm to others and have no basis in reason or logic.

After much stumbling, we have found such a word. And that word, my friends, is

bachmann. This word will now replace crazy when crazy is meant to portray things that are: senseless; impractical; totally unsound OR likely to break or fall to pieces.

For example: Those Rethuglikans who voted against Al Franken’s anti-military contractor rape bill are plumb fucking bachmann.

Or: Anyone who thinks teabaggers are cool must be batshit bachmann.

Or: Anyone can see that relying on private insurance and the free market for health care is a bachmann plan.

Feel free to add your own examples and to spread the word. I can only hope that one day bachmann will reach the pinnacle that santorum has in our lexicon.

of other people’s dreams are usually very very boring- I will leave you with this one phrase to parse out for yourself what it involves

filthy, naughty, superhero sex

(good lord that phrase may break the porn seekers from google)

So I cosigned this with a promise to be better and do better.

And that means coming to terms with something I’ve been struggling with for years.

My mother is disabled, both physically (which is not the problem) and mentally (which I thought was the problem). And I have used some language regarding her behavior that is down right offensive to other people with mental illness.

At first I justified it with reclamation (at least I did in my own head)as “well shit, I’m prone to bouts of serious depression and anxiety, so I should be able to use terms like crazy and nutbag”.

But that’s just abelist justification and doesn’t fly.

Then the angry inner child in me threw a temper tantrum with “but how the fuck else would you explain a person who does that to her own daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Then at some point I read something about George Sondini in comments somewhere. People were speculating on whether he had Asperger’s syndrome. And some brilliant commenter wrote (and I’m paraphrasing cause I can’t remember where it was) “Oh please, assholery is not a symptom of Aspergers”.

And that’s the kicker.

Mom very likely has borderline personality disorder, which makes her feel things that aren’t true. (She refuses to be treated and runs away from diagnoses- but she has most if not all of the markers for it.

That explains her feelings, it does not excuse her actions. And her actions are what I have issues with. And that should be what I focus on, not her mental illness.

This has taken me months, years maybe, to separate. Just like Aspergers doesn’t cause assholery, BDP is not a reason for abuse. Finally having a name for what is wrong with my mother gave me the liberty to free myself from her 6 years ago, so separating out the abelist shit felt a wee bit like backtracking on my hard won freedom. But it’s not. Separating the disease from the abuse means no more excuses.

So I will no longer use terms like “off her rocker fucking crazy” or “serious nutbag” to describe her actions or the actions of those who are being douchebags. I will use the plethora of descriptive terms to describe her actions that DO NOT involve causing harm to completely unrelated people who suffer from mental illness. I will use words like malicious, vindictive, abusive, opportunistic, manipulative, hurtful, spiteful, or just plain mean. They all accurately describe things without the added bonus of bigotry.

I apologize to anyone who I have hurt with my language. I promise I will be better and do better in the future.

I’m not always great about recognizing ableist language, either coming out of my mouth or someone else’s.

But that’s my problem, one for me to work on, because I am an ally. It is my job to think before I speak (or type) and stop myself from using words that harm people unintentionally. Intent to harm is not required to be an asshole.

And because I am an ally I cosign this with the extra promise that I will work harder to recognize ablism in myself and to smack down others who use ableist language on my blog or in my presence.

H/t to Ouyang Dan

From another brilliant email from the lovely Gidget Commando (I’d totally do her taxes!)

I just posted over at Echidne on the following when it came up in a serious post about some DC shenanigans. Thought you would appreciate:

Why is a word for male genitalia synonymous with strength and courage while a word for female genitalia is synonymous for weakness and cowardice?

The last time I checked, a “pussy” could–without any prior strength training or conditioning–squeeze a full-term infant out of a passageway usually no bigger around than the average adult human schwang. “Balls,” on the other hand, retreat up into the body cavity at nothing more frightening than the application of cold water.

I rest my case.
Gidget Commando

Seriously peeps- pussies push babies out. Kinda opposite of weak. For the dudes- can you imagine pushing 5 to 10 (or more) pounds out of your ass?

Didn’t think so.

Darling OtherCousin* has neglected to do her taxes for many many years. In her defense, she is disabled and thought that Social Security and payments from a disability settlement are not taxable. (uhmmm no)

I am not afraid of taxes. Mountains of math and scary paperwork do not send me running for the hills, because I know a secret**.

Taxes are complicated (only if you have money) not to screw people with money out of it, but to give people with money a thousand tiny ways to pay less in taxes. The lower on the totem pole you go wage wise, the simpler your tax forms get. The higher up, the more complicated. I’ve filled out an alphabet soup of schedules and a number pie of forms.

So with the IRS looming, I’ve spent the last few days bogged down in paperwork just so we can prove that OtherCousin does not owe the IRS 200k and the life blood of her first born child. And after all that work we came up with the best number we could hope for.

Zero. Nada, zilch. No taxes owed. Nothing to see here.

Now we just have to do the same for 2006-2008, and get her better at saving receipts for 2009.

(OtherCousin* would be Wonder’s sister.)

**Also- I have superhero powers at wading through bureaucracy. I’ve out HUDed housing authorities and out FDIC’d bankers. I almost made a bank manager cry once. No shit.

go sign the petition Bitchez!

Teaspoons ahoy and all that.

Everybody on this list:

Fuck you.

No, seriously, fuck you.

I’m pretentious movie snob. I not only know who most of you are, but I’m you’re prime fricken audience. (Except you Woody Allen, I’ve thought you were a douche since forever). I love subtitles and subtext. I like complicated plots with no clear happy ending. I will pay money to see that shit, but I won’t step foot in a theater to see to see whatever ode to American machismo is playing at the moment (see Apatow, Judd).

I’m now going to take a page from Tiger Beatdown. I won’t spend one thin dime to see a movie any of you all make. Oh I’ll still get my fill of foreign drama and intellectually challenging stories from you all. But you ain’t gonna see a penny of profit from it.

Because I don’t give money to rapists, and I don’t give money to rape apologists.

And really y’all, have you read the vicitm’s deposition? It wasn’t statutory rape- it was rape -rape, contrary to Whoopie’s POV. She was a little girl, she was drugged and drunk, and she said no. She asked him to take her home, she lied about having asthma to get away from him. He ignored her. She said no to kissing, and he kissed her any ways. She said no to oral sex, and he did it anyways. She said no vaginal sex, and he did it anyways. She said no to anal sex and he did it anyways.

And then he plead guilty to rape, because he IS guilty of rape.

So all you other talented artists can now complain about how your rape apologism for another talented artist has robbed you of some much needed cash. I bet more than a coupleof you will be whinging about how us puritanical Americans are “raping you” by downloading your movies without paying.

But like I said at the beginning- fuck all y’all.

And P.S. to Sam Mendes and Darren Aronofsky- I’m thrilled to bits to not see your wives names on that list.

P.P.S. Kevin Smith and the guy from Heroes are getting all my cash from now on. I don’t care if Smith is directing toilet scrubber commercials, I will buy a warehouse full of toilet scrubbers. Because it is that important to me that rapists not be allowed to get away with rape.