Open for Ridiculousness

ME: Hola chiquita!

OUYANGDAN:: what is up?
so i told the Kid that I would pull her out of school for a couple of hours to go vote w/ me

ME: cool
I always take The Kid with me

OUYANGDAN:: she was sooooo excited!

ME: Kid was the first time. Now he brings a book and ignores me

OUYANGDAN:: she was all “really! i can help you help pick the president?”

ME: sweet!

OUYANGDAN:: she is learning about presidents at school and was so friggin excited. she gets excited over the stangest things

ME: that’s not strange. I still get excited over voting

OUYANGDAN:: i do too…it just didn’t occur to me that she would get excited
so i offered to take her w/ me
and told her that she could ask me all the questions she wanted

ME: that’s soooo sweet. Dear gawd i want to eat your child
I’m dressing up as red riding hood because all the creativity I can muster is tying a red bedsheet over a black dress

OUYANGDAN:: works for me. i’m gonna be alice cooper b/c i have eyeliner
ME: Sweet!

EDITED FOR PICS OF OD’s bloody roommate

OUYANGDAN:: i know. he came home drunk monday night, w/ a new mohawk and demanded I bring the camera to forever collect how he is coming out of anesthesia

ME: Oh dear gawd- is he 15?

OUYANGDAN:: almost…23

ME: Ahhhh
They don’t become fully human till 24 or 25

OUYANGDAN:: i certainly hope so. hahaha
ME: wait- how old is The Guy?

OUYANGDAN:: he will be 24 in feb

ME: Haha- you married a baby!

OUYANGDAN:: i did
in fact do just that

ME: I can’t tease you too much. I’m sleeping with a puppy
a very very sexy puppy

OUYANGDAN:: how old is puppu?

ME: 27- but subtract a few years for lack of experience

OUYANGDAN:: hahaha
that is only a little younger than me!

ME: I know!

OUYANGDAN:: hahaha

ME: I just told him I’m a cougar and then did the meow/ claw thing
It was cute

OUYANGDAN:: i bet!

ME: I just want to devour him

OUYANGDAN:: facial pubes and all

ME: The facial pubes are nice actually. Not at all scratchy and lots of fun to play with
Plus- I’ve seen pics of him without the facial pubes- he looks like a stoned surfer. NOt HOT

ME: So ruth thinks I need to write a WHole Foods Shopper Manfiesto

OUYANGDAN:: hahaha
good idea
like on how to shop well on little or what?

ME: Nooooo- a satire about how fucking awful the uptight obsessives are there
and i say this as a person who will eat my own weight in whole foods butter chicken

OUYANGDAN:: hahaha…i know what you mean. it was awful in california
the aisles were so small and i was always having to squeeze past people, and they would look at me like i was some leper who had just touched them

ME: And their kids! The worst behaved spoiled brats in the universe!

ME: Someone just paid off the rest of my rent $

OUYANGDAN:: wow! yay!
about the rent. not the bratty kids

ME: yes

OUYANGDAN:: good for you!

ME: someone who i don’t know promised me last week (when i still needed a grand) that she wouldcover whatever was left this week

OUYANGDAN:: awww. that is sweet.
very very sweet

ME: I know
now I am all gooey inside

OUYANGDAN:: you are boring when you are gooey 😉
not really…i just had to say that

ME: I can’t hold a clear argument in my head. I don’t know if it’s too much sex (or almost sex- weve taken to dry humping in his car for privacy) or the fact that the world is no longer a cold and lonely place. But my head is all super gooey

OUYANGDAN:: well it is a nice break
however long it lasts
you could use less stress and more something to distract you from shitty stuff

ME: Yep- I’m a realist. It’ll be back to sucking sooner or later
did I tell you i started getting child support again?

OUYANGDAN:: you told me you got a stray payment. is it recurring?

ME: 3 regular checks so far

OUYANGDAN:: wow. sudden but welcomed!

ME: Oh hell yeah It almost doubles my income
OUYANGDAN:: and that is a lot
better
gah i can’t type

ME: gahhhh!
I must go feed the nicotine beast a smokey lung treat
back in 5

OUYANGDAN:: hahaha…OK

ME: miss me?

OUYANGDAN:: like the sun

ME: awe
I’m watching samantha b talk about McCain’s air quote

OUYANGDAN:: hahaha. she is so funny

ME: I just love her. And Sarah Haskins.
And Tina Fey and Amy Pohler
Who was that asswipe who said women aren’t funny?

OUYANGDAN:: no idea. i love it when people pull out the “well, this isn’t that big of a deal, not like issue X that is going on around the world”

ME: Ughhhhh

OUYANGDAN:: or “i am an activist for Y and I don’t think this is that bad

ME: I hate that
OUYANGDAN:: like good ol elspeth here
http://randombabble.com/2008/10/21/ya-know-whats-not-funny/#comment-2962

ME: that’s the whole- well it;s not offensive to ME- so it’s not offensive argument

OUYANGDAN:: i hate that
i really really do. i hate how presumptive it is to tell me what i should be “wasting my time” addressing

ME: Puppy and I were talking about abortion today. He said “I’m trying to go at this from a scientific, philosophical aspect”
I said “How nice that you can be philosophical about something that directly effects my body. What a luxury for you

OUYANGDAN:: pretty much
is PG porn hurting tons of people around the world? maybe not. does it make it seem like it’s ok to laugh at the accidental death of a woman who’s only crime was liking sex?
Yup

ME: And is it from people who should fucking know better? Because they’ve done pretty pro-feminist stuff before?

OUYANGDAN:: pretty much

OUYANGDAN:: I have actually thought about writing to Nathan Fillion to express my disappointment, but it doesn’t come out right
(he’s my friend on MySpace)

ME: Dear nathan Fillion-
I used to think you were the hottest thing ever. And I massively respected you for being in the very girl friendly Firefly series
And i had high hopes for PG porn.
But dude- violence against women, NOT FUNNY
Please resume your former hotness
Kthanxbai

OUYANGDAN:: hahaha…you have a way w/ words

ME: That is why I am an unpaid writer. If I was a complete hack I’d make a million dollars a year