So I broke down and in my stomach flu agony watched the Sex and the City movie.

Spoilers below.

And it was one long ass commercial for over consumption.

And I still think Big is an ass.

What I formerly liked about SATC is that the happy endings the women got weren’t the happy ending that they expected. Charlotte didn’t stay with the princely doctor in tennis whites. Miranda had a baby, got married and moved to Brooklyn. And Samantha ended up in a monogamous relationship. But they were happy, even though it’s not what they thought happiness would look like.

And then the movie went and undid all of that. I hated that at the end of the tv series, Carry went back to Big. He’s a non-committal dick. He always has been where Carry is concerned. If Carry was your friend, you would be telling her to run, run away as fast as she can. You would know that people don’t change and that she can’t make Big into a decent guy through either patience or temper tantrums, even though she tries both.

And then the movie. Miranda gets punished for being Miranda (hard ass bitches who work to much have husbands that cheat- doncha know).

Charlotte gets rewarded for being a good girl.

Samantha gets bored. Duh. And fat (by movie standards) cause she is replacing sex with food.

And Carry gets left at the alter because Big craps out at the last minute. (Like no one could see that coming from a million miles away).

Ugh.

For a show that started with the premise that women are human beings with foibles and sexual agency all their own, I was let down by the movie. It’s like one giant regressive bitch slap with a designer label.

Instead, if you want a pretty girly movie with both fashion and a feminist bent, watch the Devil wears Prada (the movie is way better than the book).