To My Darling Soopermouse:

I can’t be there in person to make you a real cake, so this will have to do. I am so happy that we have become friends. Because of you, I have spent mountains of hours watching holocaust documentaries just so I can keep up with you in our epic debates. You are also my best insight into the minds of Eastern European boys and heavy metal music, and weird YouTube videos.

Happy birthday. Maybe I’ll find a way to be there in person for your next one.