Wherein my son explains the origins of Justin Bieber.

This is a story. One day Satan was really bored. All the dead souls were (for once) making him sad. He tried taking a bubbly bath, but that didn’t work. He went to see if God was open for a game, but he was playing with fluffy bunnies. Finally, he tried to cheer up by going to Earth and getting a drink. But sadly, it was rush hour, and all the bars were crowded. But at that moment he had an idea. He would possess a human to torture the other humans. He went to Canada and found a little boy named Justin Bieber. He saw he found his perfect target. He went and possessed him, and unleashed the cries of a thousand tortured souls. But Satan was tricked by God. God made Justin Bieber famous somehow. But that was good for Satan, because he could torture more humans. That is why Justin Bieber’s singing is terrible and horrifying.

Now you know.