I really don’t.
Especially in the face of the tremendous harm that religion has done, supposedly in the name of god, I’m not suprised that you choose not to believe.
I often find believing to be difficult myself. It’s not God I doubt so much, as it is “His people”.
Actually, that’s not entirely true — I do question God. I don’t have any actual proof that God exists, or resembles what I believe God to be. But I still choose to believe. For lack of a better explanation, for reasons I’m not entirely sure of, it works for me.
However, I don’t understand how people who claim to believe in the same God I believe in, can behave so heinously.
I don’t understand a Christianity that’s more concerned with stopping gay people from getting married than with teaching its husbands to respect their wives.
I have nothing in common with a Christianity that soothes the conscience of the affluent with the notion that “God wants you to be rich” while opposing public policy that would help poor people (and everyone else) get their kids to a doctor.
I take issue with a version of my faith that makes no room for “foreigners” in “our country” when we’re supposed to be foreigners in the world.
I find atrocious an image of God that allows its followers to condone torture in the name of security, that advocates making war against an innocent population for profit. Didn’t Jesus say “love your enemies” and “blessed are the peacemakers?”
This is not the God I believe in. This is not the faith I practice.
The God I believe in is just as concerned with Iraqi & Afghan & Mexican & Guatemalan lives as American ones.
The God I believe in says his followers are required to take care of the sick & the hungry & the prisoners.
The God I believe in gave women a place of honor, and taught us alongside our brothers, and picked us to witness to his most wondrous of miracles.
The faith I practice doesn’t need to legislate its principles.
The faith I practice knows once the choice of what to believe is taken away, nothing else matters for much.