Dear well-intentioned christian male who thinks he’s not sexist:

You undoubtedly believe “misogynist” to be an unfair characterization of you, and it may be… probably is, if you define misogyny as an active hatred or disdain for women.

I think what Red is referring to is what appears to be an unwillingness to take seriously what we have to say. It may be unintentional on your part, but it’s there.

It’s there when Red says “kinda cute” in the context she referenced is insulting, and you try to “turn it around” and show how no it’s not *always* an insult.
(I don’t know if the post I linked is the exact one that prompted your discussion with her, but scenario # 2 is a pretty good example of the kind of phenomenon she’s talking about.

This is the rather common tactic wherein guys will undermine a girl’s self-image in order to get what they want (a date, sex, marriage, fidelity, silence, etc….)

its a means of controlling a person by way of making her feel bad about herself, without quite realizing why….

ex-fiance #1 used to call me a “sexy little twit” – same idea, just less subtle.