Welcome back to the party of pragmatism and reality based results. Let me be, if not the first, then one of the many to say thank you for restoring my faith in the general population. Turns out that our country has not been quite as over run with red state yahoos as I thought.
But before you get all big-headed about your role in this election, let me say one thing.
WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU ALL SO LONG?
Seriously, Iraq was a quagmire in 2004. Science has been shoved under the rug since 2000. The budget has been careening out of control since the start of the Iraq war. The No Child Left Behind act was failing kids before it was enacted. The scandals being reported on now have been going on for years. We all knew the Medicare Rx plan was going to blow chunks. Where the hell have you been?
Were you too dazzled by the latest season of reality TV shows for the last 6 years to pay attention to the news? Did your education suck so badly that you couldn’t understand the middle-school level of writing done in most major newspapers? Did you miss the “Don’t believe the hype” lesson most of us learned as teenagers upon discovering that plucky girls in glasses don’t actually win the quarterback and skinny boys with greasy hair don’t get the head cheerleader in the back seat with her skirt pulled up? (Slight disclaimer- I was that cheerleader with the skinny boy- but I am the exception that proves the social rule). Did you think that voting with the frat boy party and beating up on gays and immigrants was gonna make you popular?
OK, admonishment done. I promise that as long as you all continue to act like thinking, rational human beings I will never again mention the 6 years of hell we have all been facing. We’ll just say that you were “going through a phase” and put it to rest. But you do have to prove that you are going to continue to use your brain at the ballot box and not let the self-esteem challenged inner teenager punch your card.
As a reminder of some of the rational things that will hopefully come from your vote:
Science will once again trump magic fairy dust and faith healing in dealing with the environment.
Women’s bodies will go back to belonging to individual women and we will, hope upon hopes, start valuing already alive children more than we value clumps of dividing cells.
Budgets will be balanced, taxes will be fair, incomes will go up. This is what Democrats do, by the way. The “tax and spend” liberal idea is so outdated that Eisenhower would cringe to hear it used.
We will stop giving swirlies to the EU and the rest of the world when it comes to international relations. I know it seemed really hilarious to you when Bush was doing it before, but you know the people that get swirlies and wedgies and are otherwise tormented are always the ones that come back 10 years later as gazillionaires who can lay off your entire division out of spite. We are starting the process by not allowing John Bolton permanent title to embarrass us on the floor of the UN. (Thank Lincoln Chaffee for that one, ousted as he is he is showing that the needs of the country are worth more than his need to stick it to the winners).
This is just the beginning of rational behavior. Again, thank you for coming to your senses or for finally being bored with Dancing with the Stars or Survivor.
Sincerely,
The Red Queen who has been a rational blue voter since my first registration.