I really hate writing resumes. But after the millionth or so fuck up with the payroll office of my current job, I think it is time I move on to someplace where pay checks are issued on regularly scheduled dates. My check was supposed to be issued on the 31st- it is now over a week late.

So as I am typing up my resume I am pondering all the crap jobs I’ve had. There was the horrible pathology lab where we got billing statements in plastic biohazard bags because some hapless lab tech had spilled a vial of god-knows-what on it. There was the job I had for an international company that I really liked, except that one of the sales reps was married to the boss and had a tendency to have screaming tantrums for no fucking reason whatsoever. You couldn’t complain either- she actually said “You’ll do it because I’m sleeping with your boss” to me.

And then there was the temp job where I met Deek and the Hoopty of the week was started. We were cubicle hamsters and to alleviate the boredom I was fond of starting rubber band wars and throwing bottle tops at co-workers. Someday I will have to tell the story of the “Y’all don’t think I got a stack o’spreadsheets up under my desk” .

If any of you are still out there- hit me with your most craptastic job stories. Did you have to watch your boss change out of his gym clothes because he was to lazy to shut his office door (really happened) or listen to the same boss fuck his wife loudly on the stairs outside my office.

Hit me!