I know I suck. I promise I’ll be back and full o’snark in just a few short weeks (just after August 1st with a tan and a severe tequila hangover).

In the mean time, the DHS has decided that things like the Mule Day parade in Columbia, TN are very important events to guard against the threat of terrorism.

I have actually been to the Mule Day parade in Columbia. I lived there for about 9 months when I broke the iron rule of “never follow a boyfriend to the depths of hell for love”. The Mule Day parade is the ONLY thing happening in the tiny redneck town all year. The town is too small to have a Target- you have to go all the way to Frankin for that. A big night out includes dinner at the Steak and Shake and dancing at the cowboy bar (full of not-real cowboys and girls with big-ass hair). The Saturn plant is close by, but I can’t imagine terrorists deciding that the way to break America is to destroy a small car plant that makes crappy, inexpensive cars with no resale value.

Honestly, a terrorist attack on Columbia might be a boon for the local economy. Think of the tourists who would love to cruise the redneck ground zero. There are legions of southerners who still spend vacations driving around checking out civil war battlefields. This would give them something to see from a war they didn’t lose (yet).

It’s not just that we shouldn’t fund anti-terrorism measures in places with virtually no threat of terrorism, but for the good of the community we might want to encourage terrorists to strike those places.