I went to get an ultrasound Tuesday to determine if I just have the world’s most atrocious periods for fun or if there is some nefarious cause. Also, as a precursor to getting an IUD! Yay! I’ve had internal ultrasounds before, and have always gotten a “huhmm that’s a unique shape” reaction from docs and techs. So I asked the lovely tech to explain. I have a kinky uterus. No, a literally kinky uterus. It tilts in one direction while the cervix tilts in the opposite direction, causing a kink where the two meet. I also, apparently, have a cyst on one of my ovaries. The cyst, and not the kink, is what is making my monthly communist invasion seem like the actual communist invasion.

So the IUD (Mirena, hormonal) will help with the cyst, hopefully. But getting it inserted will be tricky(straight stick, U shaped angle, tricky tricky). I am asking, begging, pleading, for an rx for valium to take prior because there is no way I’ll be able to “relax and drop your knees” through that shit. No fucking way. And smart me, I scheduled the procedure for 4:30 in the afternoon. So I can go right from uterine torture to the bar across the street.