Ruth, me and the Puppy are all sitting on the couch last night

Puppy (who I tease mercilessly for being a dork): I think I finally figured something out about you.

Me: What?

Puppy: All this freedom and choice stuff you talk about is just a cover. Really you want to rule the world and you think you could do it better than everyone else. That’s why you were a cheerleader and you need to be the boss.

Ruth: I totally see that!

Me: What! No! This isn’t fair! Besides I would make a damn fine benevolent dictator.

Ruth: You’d make a better benevolent dictator than just about anyone, but what he said is still true.

Later that evening…..

Puppy: See everyone thinks that they would make the best leader.

Me: But I actually would. People would have way more fun AND work would still get done.

Puppy: Everyone says that.

Me: Did you have fun this weekend?

Puppy: Yes

Me: Did we get a whole lot of shit done? (note we moved a 300 pound TV between the two of us)

Puppy: Yes

Me: Point proven

Puppy: I can see Alaska from my house!

Since the Puppy has insinuated that I have the same level of qualifications as Sarah Palin to run the country (in my case, the world- I’m ambitious) I think I am going to break down the multitude of ways that coordinating this move qualifies me to be the benevolent dictator of the world.

1) The first step in world domination is land acquisition. I have certainly moved up from my little townhouse in the ghetto to the ginormous. This move required diplomatic relations with Ruth and Bernard, first in negotiating my exile from the ghetto into their bedroom. From there we needed to acquire a space big enough for real conquering to take place without any unwanted border crossings (bedroom doors that close go along way in border protection people!)

2) Money- no government can function without it. I think I did pretty well at rallying the loyal readers to raise the money for land acquisition (I/e new house fund)

3) Coordinate the invasion- well i could have been better at raising troops, but I did end up making diplomatic promises to one friend to help her move out of her 3rd story apartment in July. I also did as most leaders do and over taxed the army (i/e the Puppy) with promises of a GIANT Bonus if he played muscle man. I did in fact follow through on the bonus payment, I think that makes me better than many former presidents who promised things to the military. I also promised the youth his own WOW subscription if he helped all weekend without whining.

4) Make moving speeches: I have been doing my damnedest to make sure everyone knows just how grateful i am for all the help.

5) Delegate: See getting the Puppy to do things like move Bernard’s bowflex machine up 3 flights of stairs.

So that’s just the moving stuff. Additionally I’ve been to more countries than Sarah Palin. I’ve gotten to Level 12 on Know your World (Even McCain thinks we’re still in a world where Czechoslovakia is a country). I’ve actually studied International Relations, Political Economy, macro Economics and history enough to know that current plans for saving the economy are crap.

And most importantly- I would only be ruler of the world if a majority of the world voted for me to take office. I guess that kinda does in the dictator part, but wevs.