So the little commenting platform that I’ve used for ages is going away in October. In the mean time, they’ve stopped all support for it. Apologies in retrospect and in advance. It’s now eating comments. I am not getting notified if someone leaves a comment. It just crapola on toast. So if you leave a comment and it doesn’t show up- it’s Echo (unless you’re an asshole who’s been blocked. And if you are an asshole, you already know you’re blocked.) If you leave a comment and I don’t respond, it’s because Echo didn’t tell me and I am way too lazy to check the actual front blog page thingy on the regular. I don’t know if I’ll keep bloggering come October. I may just pack up shop and move to Tumblr, since I am reblogging shit over there ALL DAY LONG. There are Tumbrl templates that allow Discus as a commenting platform. But that’s a few months from now. So there’s all that. What’s new with y’all? Whatcha doing, reading, watching?

Ok peeps. Here’s a little quiz. Guess what this slightly redacted quote is referring to:

Republicans are typically cast as the bad guys in this narrative because, well, that’s how they cast themselves. They decided to be the zealots opposed to any and all forms of REDACTED. In their bizarro world, that made them the good guys: They were the noble defenders of private property rights against “big government” encroachment (i.e, the extension of REDACTED). …. Republicans attached a series of amendments to the bill that rendered it impotent, incapable of forcing the issue of REDACTED.

And the Democrats let them. Got right on board with it. Voted it through, and declared the REDACTED a triumph. Because it was more important for liberals to have an expedient, symbolic victory than to pass a bill that actually protected REDACTED.

Sounds a little like RObamney Care, right?

Actually it’s about the passage of the Fair Housing Act in 1968. Also I WOULD WATCH THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SHOW. Make it happen HBO. 

So how have we fared 44 years on from Fair Housing. Non-Whites can now own houses, but are more likely to have been pushed into bad loans even if they had the credit for better ones. Gentrification is pushing poor people further away from jobs and resources and reasonable public transit. Detroit happened. And Seattle manages to have one of the most racially diverse neighborhoods in the country, but since they’re building light rail down there, the rents are pricing out the working class people who live there.

Also it’s telling that I used the phrase “down there”. In Seattle, north of downtown is pretty pasty. South of downtown is pretty tan. Defacto segregation, but it’s cool cause it’s more about income disparity than race (as if the two aren’t related).

In 40 years, what is healthcare going to look like? Will we be taking on intergenerational loans to cover our government mandated premiums order to get paid to private insurance companies?

I’m sure y’all have heard the internet brouhaha about douchebag Tosh and his army of rape apologists getting their cranky on because people have (rightly) called them out on their shit.

And a ton has been written about how to tell a rape joke that is actually funny (prolly NSFW link unless you have headphones) instead of gross and played out and gross. And BORING. Seriously, like in the course of a few thousand years of misogyny do you really think there is some new, fresh take on “and then she didn’t want to have sex with me so I raped her” jokes.

And pleas have been made to think of the huge numbers of victims out there that are gonna get smacked in the face with horror just so you can have a laugh. “Get over it, it’s just a joke ladies, hahahhahhaa.” If these shitfaces had an ounce of human compassion we wouldn’t have to explain why that shit is damaging and hurtful.

These are solid points. Yay for other people making them. But none of that is gonna get the apologists to change their minds and suddenly give us hope for humanity. I mean, come on. These are apologists for rapists.

And it all reminds me of the douchecanoes who like to wear Confederate flag t-shirts because “It’s part of my heritage” and by heritage they mean they wish they owned a big old plantation where they could beat the hell out of black folks just like Great Grandaddy did. They are racists, of that there is no doubt. And they are upset that they are getting called out for being racists. They are defending slavery and bigotry as a piece of their heritage. They want to be on the LOSING SIDE OF HISTORY and not be given shit for it.

And the “It’s just a joke. It’s comedy” folks are rape apologists on the LOSING SIDE OF HISTORY. They are defending rapists in the name of humor. And I pretty much assume that any dude who defends rape jokes is just like that guy who defends the wrong flag. He’s the guy who wishes he could just rape the bitches whenever he wants, but us humorless feminists keep him from doing just that because of misandry. (Nope, that sentence doesn’t make sense. Misogyny, like racism, is ridiculous and doesn’t make sense.)

So fuck ’em. We know the flag-wavers are racist. We know the joke-defenders are misogynistic rape apologists. (And as I said on ye old twitter yesterday- it’s obvious the douchebags know rape isn’t a joke when it’s their go to retaliation threat. ) If they want to spend their brainspace trying come up with Every. Single. Damn. Excuse in the motherfucking book to contort the fact that they side with the rapists, then whoopee for them. Exactly zero fucks will be given by me. Because they have chosen the wrong side, I don’t have to give them any benefit of the doubt.

When you defend the Confederate flag as a symbol of your heritage, you’re defending racism. Full stop.
When you defend rape jokes as edgy, free-speech humor, you’re defending rapists. Full stop. It doesn’t matter why you’re defending it. Unless someone is holding a literal gun to your head forcing you to laugh at old Andrew Dice Clay routines while wrapped in a collectible Southern Cross fleece throw, your reasons don’t mean shit.

Make all the excuses that you want. Twist yourself into a pretzel trying to find some once of logic in your reasoning. You’ve shown me who you are and who you are is a giant fucking LOSER. But don’t worry, there are a lot of losers in the world. You won’t be lonely, but you’ll still be gross. AND BORING. DON’T FORGET HOW FUCKING BORING.

Don’t you just love precocious, privileged 22 year olds with the luck of a lottery winner who have GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT!

Yeah me neither. 

Oh honey, no you don’t have a fabulous life because you did everything right and everyone else didn’t. Cause trust, that ain’t even it.

And you’ve been working how long now? I was pretty sure that it was my killer work ethic, mad organizational skills, smarter than the average cookieness that lead to a rapidly increasing paycheck until I hit 25 and got laid off for the first and only time. I still, 12 years later, haven’t recovered from that financially even though I have continued expanding my skill set and responsibility levels since then. 

But you are a special snowflake who will beat the odds of everyone around you, I am sure. Just don’t look too hard in the mirror or your unshakeable faith that you are where you are because your deserve it more than someone else might crack a little. I mean, of course you went to a private university with tuition that is almost $40k a year all on your own merit. I am sure that poor kids, like say my kid, will have all the same opportunities that you did if they work just as hard. Oh wait, no they won’t. My kid will be starting at a community college. He won’t be able to do the unpaid internships that you did to bulk up your resume because he will have to work a minimum wage job somewhere to help pay the $3500 a year tuition at the CC plus books and transportation.

Kid also wants to be a writer, btw. My advice is “Get a degree in anything else. Anything that will pay the bills. You’ve seen how little money writers make. Get a degree in something that will pay the bills and write at night.”

Now I am not cruel, Special Little Snowflake. I don’t wish bad things on you because you are ridiculously lucky and privileged and sound a wee bit like a Jr. Randian (and 22 is way too old to be a Jr. Randian. Anyone who sounds Randian after the age of 15 is kind of a stupid and immature shithead). I save that kind of hate for the Gwyneth Paltrow’s of the world. But let’s be realistic. There is a pretty good chance that you are going to fall on your face. Maybe not now. Maybe not at 25( when I did.). But the economy being what it is and employers being what they are (stingy, even the best ones, and more mindful of the bottom line than of Special Snowflakeness) you are probably going to suffer at some point. So I wouldn’t go all bellybutton gazing at your “lack of struggle”. It will happen. In the mean time, you should meditate on the words hubris, privilege, comeuppance.

I had forgotten about the hot rock of worry. It’s amazing, really, that it had gone away at all. But having enough money to provide the basics of a life is probably the single best form of therapy there is for those of us at the very bottom. And then last week it was back. BAM! Right in the gut. If I believed in gods, I would say they were laughing at me for writing about how I was lucky. BAM! No luck for you.

 The company I work for has been sold. My awesome boss, who is a fierce advocate for those she bosses, is going on maternity leave next week. Most of the company has already been moved to a new office, a very long and multiple busses ride away. There’s 4 or 5 of us left in the old office and we don’t know what will happen to us. Will we be turned into contractors and loose our benefits? Will we be sent to a new office? Will we just loose our jobs? No one knows. And the person best able to fight for us won’t be there because she has, admittedly bigger and more important, things to do.

 I priced what getting health insurance from the state’s high risk pool would cost me, since I 1) won’t be able to afford individual insurance and 2)make too much money either as a contractor or on unemployment to qualify for Medicaid and 3)Have enough pre-existing conditions to sink any health insurance application. It would cost me more that I would get on unemployment. So would Cobra, if I was laid off. But I am in this horrid hamster wheel of awful- I have to work so I have health insurance so I can work so I have health insurance and on and on and on.

The good new is that if I do lose it all, the drugs I need to function will run me about $150 a month. Getting a new prescription would be very difficult, as my doctor’s office requires a large deposit for cash patients. And if (when) my current meds stop working I won’t have any real way of fixing that. But I’ll be able to eek it out for a very short while. And most of Kid’s most pressing dental stuff has been handled. He still needs one more crown and 2 wisdom teeth extracted. But I have already run out of money for those things this year. All his other teeth are cleaned and filled and so on.

What really sucks is having exactly no control over this. Short of updating my resume (done, the night I found out actually) and daily scanning of the Craigslist job section, I have no control in this situation. But it could be worse. You all, if you’ve a few bucks to share, should send it to Sasha . I’ve been close to that desperate a time or two (or 12). I’ve been lucky to have found some other way to stave off the desperation just one more day, and one more day after that. I am sure the hot rock of fear is in her belly too.

So you all heard the the Supreme Court (of Douchebags) upheld the “Papers Please” section of Arizona’s anti-brown people law, right?

This and the drug testing of welfare recipients should be a slam dunk “uh uh, no fucking way, turn around and refund the dollars you used to take this to the court to the tax payers because it violates one of the most fundamental tenets of the Constitution” no go. It violates the idea that a person is innocent until proven guilty. But only for some people. My pale faced, blue eyed boy child would never be asked to prove he belongs in this country. Me, my black hair and eyes, olive skin and being just “exotic” looking enough to get asked the shitty “what are you?” question won’t be stepping foot in Arizona anytime soon. Also, Kid’s dad, an actual drug addict but a white dude, would never have to walk into a welfare office and piss in a cup to feed his kids (that is, if he was concerned at all about feeding his kids. Which 17 years of experience tells me otherwise).

How does it violate that whole innocent until proven guilty thing? It requires people, who the government has no proof other then being poor or brown, to prove they aren’t a criminal (this is leaving aside the whole racist idea that a persons mere existence is a crime depending on what side of an arbitrary line they are standing on) instead of making the government prove that a crime has taken place. Guilty until you prove you’re not. Until you pee in this cup and it comes back clean, you are a drug user who doesn’t deserve the same access to government programs that a middle class home owner taking the mortgage exemption on their taxes does. Guilty until you prove that you’re not of not being a “real Amurikan” unlike, say Sheriff Joe “Don’t hate me cause I get paid to be a racist by the state” Arpaio who looks like he keeps his skin so milky by wearing what my friend calls the KKK Snuggie (Thanks Anthony!)

While we’re on this whole guilty until your not kick, let’s not forget to mention New York’s stop frisk. It’s just for black and brown folks, according to the numbers. It doesn’t actually do much of what it’s stated purpose is, namely checking for weapons. I think the last number I read on it (and forgive me, I can’t remember where I read it) was that it takes some thing like 3000 stop and frisks to produce one weapon and something like 85% of those are non-white people getting touched by the slimy hands of New York’s finest. But if you are black or brown, you don’t get to say “Fuck you, you ain’t got no probable cause. I’m going home” cause you’ve just given the cops probable cause with the trying to leave schtick.

Now while I’m telling you all this, remember that crime rates have been dropping since the 70s. We have fewer crimes being committed while at the same time our prison rates have ballooned faster than the interest rate on an ARM. If people are committing fewer crimes, where the fuckity fuck is the prison population coming from? Mandatory drug testing? Stop and frisks? Papers Please? These are the newer laws but think about people in some states who get sent to jail for driving without insurance. GA, if I remember correctly, will put out an arrest warrant if they get a letter from your insurance company saying your coverage has been cancelled. You don’t get notified of the warrant. Maybe you just switched policies because you like the Geico lizard. Won’t know about the warrant until you get pulled over for speeding and WHAMO jail for you.

Innocent until proven guilty is not a reality for large swaths of the people in this country. It’s a privilege. If you think otherwise, you probably haven’t been stopped for driving while black.

Kid and I are dramatically better off now than we were a year ago, 2 years ago, 5 years ago. But that doesn’t mean we’ve joined the ranks of the middling middles. This is what the budget of a super thrifty, lucky small family looks like.

I make almost 200% of the 2012 poverty guidelines before taxes, etc. Of course Seattle is a bit more expensive than some small town in a red state. I do not make what is considered to be a living wage in Washington state.

My largest monthly expense is rent. I live in what would be called a rent stabilized building, so I actually pay about what is calculated in that chart for a 2 bedroom apartment. I’ve been doing some searching for a friend who is looking for a place and I am seeing rents nearly double what I pay for a 2 bedroom. Rooms in shared housing go for what I pay in rent. The trade off is that we have tiny tiny bedrooms and my laundry gets swiped out of the laundry room pretty frequently. I pay about 38% of my income in housing.

The next biggest expense I have is healthcare. I have awesome healthcare. It covers damn near everything. But it ain’t cheap. My employer pays the entire premium cost for me (about $1200 per month) but I pay to have the Kid on the plan. ($440 per month). Then there’s prescriptions, co-pays, deductibles, co-insurance, etc. All in all I pay about $650 a month, or about 27% of my income.

That’s 65% of my total gross income.

The next biggest expense is food. I have a teenage boy. In my best budgeting months, I spend about $500 on groceries. When I am less careful and we eat takeout, I spend more. But we’ll pretend I am a perfect human being who never screws up the budget by ordering takeout 3 nights in a row. So let’s call food 20% of the budget.

Taxes are another 10%.

Transportation is about 4%. So is my cell phone. Kid’s cell phone and home internet are about  3%.

That’s 106%.

It is only possible for us to live IF I get child support. That’s where the extra 6% plus clothes, entertainment, etc. comes from. And in the months that we don’t get child support, the tiny savings account I funded with my tax return gets hit. It’s only June and I’ve already blown through 3/4s of it.

But I’m lucky. I have a full time job with benefits. I live in affordable housing. I have a cheap, short commute on public transportation so I don’t need a car. I have a boyfriend who doesn’t mind that I pay what I can when we go out (which isn’t much. Our last trip to Canada cost me $30) so I am not devoid of joy and fun.

But I’ll never be able to retire, or move, or help the Kid pay for college. Or get him the braces he desperately needs, or fix my own teeth. 

I live in fear of premium increases, rent increases, cost of food going up, unemployment, loss of health insurance, working until I die at my desk.

If my wages kept up with productivity, I’d be making over 50k. If I got a living wage, I wouldn’t have to blow through my savings when child support didn’t come. I might even be able to increase my savings account balance. If there was a living wage law and I got paid at the same percentage above minimum wage that I get now, I’d make $52,000 a year. That’s retirement/braces/savings account/ college/ etc.

That’s where it all goes, and that what is missing.

Sociological Images has this awesome graph that shows the difference between increased productivity and wages

You know what that gap is, right? That 141 percent gap between wages and productivity?

That’s living wages, healthcare, retirement, paid time off. That’s enough jobs for every one of we distributed the work load in a manner that reflects HOW MUCH MORE WE DO THAN OUR PARENTS DID.

So one again I ask the question, how come it’s never shared prosperity? 

Not literally. But lemme tell you how motherfucking tired I am of my stupid body. I mean tired y’all. I swear to fucking god I have no desire to have one more conversation with my doctor that starts with “So there’s this one weird thing….” Every fucking doctor’s appointment, one weird thing. My girly bits are shaped like a nautilus and are trying to kill me through anemia. My nervous system has decided to fuck right the fuck off and BAM!Fibro! and now I can no longer feel the left side of my face. Neat.

It’s not a stroke. It’s not Bell’s Palsy. It doesn’t fucking help that if one were to google the myriad of strange symptoms I keep having you end up with the unholy trinity of lupus, fibro, MS. Nope, no help at all.

I most certainly didn’t end up at a bar with my girlfriends last week freaked out that this new face problem means that eventually I will be unable to wipe my own ass (THANK YOU MS. J for promising to wipe it for me if it comes to that. I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING HARD YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW).

What I have is trigeminal neuralgia. That’s in addition to the fibro bullshit. And the only reason I am not curled on the ground screaming is because 2 of the meds I take for fibro are part of the treatment for what is so nicely called “Suicide Pain”, because 90 percent of the fatalities from this affliction are self-induced. Fuck this shit. Fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it.  I have a migraine in my face that never goes away and am already doing what I am supposed to be doing to treat it. (And of fucking course it may be related to MS, SHUT UP DR. WIKIPEDIA, SHUT UP!).

So I have been extra fucking pleasant today. And yesterday. And I will probably be super fucking pleasant tomorrow. But I HAVE A MIGRAINE IN MY FACE! I DON’T HAVE TO BE PLEASANT. Also I can no longer tell if my coffee is too hot because my face is numb and I keep burning my mouth.

I DEMAND A CYBORG BODY!

This is now officially the Lizzie whines about her health blog. If you were coming here expecting wit, charm, pithy insights, or anything other than the giant whingefest that you have just been subjected to, then boo hoo for you.

Who would have thunk it? 

It’s obvious to anyone who’s been on the wrong side of the foodies. In other news, water is wet and rethuglikans are fuckwads.

But the virtuous foodies are like any other religion. The more vocally pious, the shittier the human being making proclamations.