By now you have hopefully all seen this

which is a response to this superbowltastic bit of man-wallowing

I just have a few things to add

I will continue to feed/house/clothe/educated/and care for your children after we split up, while you whine about the child support you’re not paying for the kids who have your last name

I will try not to let the stupid dude-bros in the movies you like to watch remind me that you are aren’t much different from those paragons of perpetual infancy that star in them

I’ll fein interest in sex and fake orgasms so that you still feel wanted

I’ll let you talk over me, interrupt me and babble on at me about things I have no interest in and will take it quietly when you joke about how women never stop talking

Or maybe I won’t. Singledom is a heck of a lot easier.

Did you know there is one section of society that that is truly, fundamentally, completely diverse. Members of every race, religion, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, and health status occupy this group without any trouble getting in.

Now granted, there are certain characteristics that make it more likely that you’ll be able to join this most diverse class. Be a single woman, or even better be a single woman with children. Be non-white. Be disabled. If you can manage to be all three, then you’ve hit the jackpot and your admittance is almost statistically assured.

Though I don’t think most of y’all wanna join this diverse class. It is the bottom after all. Poverty is the one truly integrated section of society, its own little rainbow coalition of the have nots.

I often wonder why it is so hard for the middle and the upper classes to be as integrated as us at the bottom. We don’t even have to try. Poverty doesn’t care if you’re straight or gay (though if you’re a gay teenager that has been kicked out of the house for said gayness, you get a free ticket) or TAB or not (though any disability makes it more likely that you are going to join out ranks, thanks to abysmal employment policies and even more abysmal private healthcare policies).

No, getting in is as easy as being laid off in a recession, or having a health crisis, or ending a marriage.

But getting out is a bitch.

to describe the sound of something wet meeting something hard.

For example, I am sitting here and all of a sudden I hear this noise that I describe as “sloucky”. It turns out that Other Cousin has her finger in her mouth and the sound I hear is wet finger hitting hard tooth.

Yessss I know I am bothered by weird things, but going through the world wearing dark shades over my eyes (to protect me from bright light) and ear plugs (for weird noises) and a clothespin on my nose (because on random occasions the smell of someone’s earwax is so strong it makes me want to gag) is no way to go through life.

Instead I’ll just make up words like sloucky.

The Kid has become the resident baker. This is way awesome, since he has mastered the boxed brownie mixes and we are all regularly treated to “dope brownies” (brownies covered in carmel butterscotch sauce that make you dumb as a stoner).

The other day the Kid pulled out a bread maker (we were broke broke broke and hungry) and made two loaves of bread from a mix. They were awesome and delicious and totally made us forget that all we ate that day was bread.

Today he has gone a bit further in his kitchen experiments and is making Challah from scratch.

Challah, peeps, is probably my favorite bread product ever.

And we have been running around the house all afternoon saying things like “Challah-lueia” and other strange things while we wait for yummy deliciousness.

Can I just say that if teenagedom means a child who bakes delicious treats whenever I want, then I think I will survive it.

I got a bone to pick. (What’s new, bone picking seems to be my primary occupation).

See this here horrible Great Recession has inspired a certain class of overeducated white folks to throw off the trappings of privilege a live a simpler life where they mix with the locals and remember what “it’s all about”.

I call that poverty tourism (cough*Barbara Erenrich*cough).

And just like tourism in third world countries, you’re not really helping us by condescending to visit. More often than not, what your doing is giving your voice privilege and precedent over the voices of people who have no choice but to live in Povertyland. You are the reason that articles and opinion pieces and studies and solutions never come from the people who are most familiar with the daily ins and outs of how to live in a world where you are not allowed enough resources to sustain life.

Perhaps you all should hear a story.

My mother and aunt grew up dirt poor in Detroit, the children of a single mother who worked as a waitress. They were really familiar with what real poverty looked like.

My mom met my dad in a commune in San Francisco. The dude who headed the commune was a trust fund brat who had thrown off materialism so that he could experience the pure life of the poor. They didn’t eat meat. They didn’t drink coffee or use sugar. Mom had about as much of the sanctimonious blow hard’s schtick as she could take (and being without caffeine or nicotine- I can just imagine how grouchy she was).

“You never know poverty till you haven’t got a dollar in your pocket” (or a trust fund collecting interest from daddy) she told the trust fund brat.

The story goes that she left after that and dad went with her, where they immediately got hamburgers and coffee with milk and sugar and smoked cigarettes.

That’s how my parents met. But the moral of the story is that you can’t CHOOSE poverty. If you have the ability to CHOOSE, then you are not really poor. Poverty is not a lifestyle choice, it is forced upon you like shackles and makes everything in the world more difficult, not more pure or simple or clear. It weighs you down, trips you up, makes even the most normal of tasks like feeding yourself and your family a balancing act worthy of circus acrobats.

We don’t want you to visit us here in Povertyland. We want to throw off our shackles and learn to live without the extra burden. But every time one of you chooses to visit, our struggle is lengthened while you idealize us natives.

Stop it, let us speak for ourselves. Listen when we tell you what we need, it’s not that different from what you need, it’s just a zillion times harder for us to get.

When you’ve done everything you, everything you are supposed to do, to protect yourself and your child from an abusive ex, and the system fails you at every turn.

First go read this story (triggers, triggers, triggers, peeps) from The Curvature

Then as a wee bit of a refresher, read this old post of mine- Getting Out is Never Easy (also- triggers triggers triggers)

Getting out of an abusive situation is never easy, and the help that is supposed to be available to protect us is not enough. I had to give up on the system and run away. Even after 12 years of no communication, I was afraid that the Kid or I would be hurt at his 8th Grade Graduation. We skipped the public ceremony and went out for Chinese tapas instead.

Katie Tagle did everything she was supposed to do. She left him, she filed police reports and applied for restraining orders. She tried to keep her son safe in every legal way possible.

That system failed her and her child. That system refused to acknowledge the evidence in front of its eyes and chose too rely on make-believe stereotypes of vindictive women and their hard-pressed male victims.

I got lucky, but I also had to leave a city I loved, drop all my friends and only communicate with people who had never met, talked to, or heard about my ex or who were related to me and were supposed to take my side. It’s a big sacrifice. Could you pick up on a whim and leave everyone you know? Could you function without access to credit, or references from bosses who smoked pot with your ex every weekend? Without a bank account, or a cell phone, or a forwarding address? Or even a lease in your name? Would you even know how you go about getting a car loan without having it show up on your credit (try tote-your-note car lots. The cars will be crappy and old and the odometer will probably be rolled back, but it won’t show up on a credit report). And this was all before Facebook and MySpace and Twitter and blogs. I got way too comfortable and assumed that a decade’s worth of absence would make him disappear. I was wrong.

I still, fucking still, get startled by men who resemble my ex in even tiny ways. I still lose sleep when I hear noises, perfectly explainable tree or wind noises, outside my windows at night.

All that and I got lucky. The Kid is alive and safe. I am alive and safe. Any abuser apologists are on my permanent shit list (you know who you are) and don’t get access to the Kid or me.

I think I know what Katie Tagle is experiencing right now. I think she is blaming herself for not breaking the law, keeping her son from his father, and running. But she shouldn’t. Living in hiding should not be the only option for a woman protecting her child. That tiny family shouldn’t have to be the ones terrified of every door knock or phone call or email. She did everything she was supposed to do to keep her child safe according to the Justice System. And the people that really failed her son, the judges and her ex, are free. The judges can hide behind their black robes and superiority and “justice” to avoid shouldering the blame for their accessory to murder. Her ex took the coward’s way out.

It’s nice when facts back up all the complaining I’ve been doing on this little site.

Such as the American Dream is a load of shit. A child born into poverty in America has a 1.3 percent chance of making it to the upper class. 1.3 percent. That’s it.

It’s not a question of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, it’s not a question of hard work over laziness or intelligence over ignorance. It is more akin to the odds of winning the lottery, which may explain why so many poor people are willing to put their faith and their cash into tiny games of chance with little likelihood of payoff, the odds are very familiar to them (us, me).

But this isn’t a natural human state. The division of haves from have nots is neither normal nor natural nor to be expected. Unemployment doesn’t exist in nature. Neither does credit or money. As a species, there are more than enough resources on this planet to feed and house us all, only complex and unnatural ideas of trade and surplus and profit and ownership prevent that possibility. No one really dies because there is a lack of food, but because there is a lack of money to buy food.

I’ve written before that I hate charity, and yes I know how hypocritical that is being that I live on the kindness of internet strangers and their charitable acts. But this story may illustrate to you, my few dear readers, why charity is the worst way to solve society’s problems.

My dear aunt lost her front tooth last week. We all suffer from abysmal teeth, likely to break if we even think of eating something as hard as a corn flake. Her front teeth were capped or crowned or something like that 30 years ago, and needed to be replaced 20 years ago. But she has no insurance or money, and there were always more important things like feeding children or paying utility bills that got in the way. So it wasn’t a surprise when her front tooth broke off.

But it was painful, and even though we have been doing our best to reassure her that “it’s not too noticeable” she is humiliated by the big hole where her tooth used to be and her new inability to pronounce f sounds like a grown up.

She goes to a free clinic to get medical care, and they gave her a prescription for antibiotics and set up an emergency appointment with a dentist who sometimes does work for the clinic for free.

She rushed off to the dentist with just a half an hour’s notice. He could squeeze her in and she was so excited. She’s been hiding her face behind her hand since the tooth broke. She was going to be fixed, or at least put on the path to being fixed, to being able to smile and talk and not hide.

4 hours later, she came home in tears, still gap toothed and humiliated, but now feeling much worse because the dentist’s act of charity didn’t come with human decency.

He didn’t look at her medical history. He had assumed she was there so he could do a cheap and easy extraction with no plans to fix the problem. He jammed the needles in her mouth and cut up the roof of her mouth. When she complained that he was causing her pain he said “I don’t have time to treat you like a human being”.

I don’t have time treat you like a human being.

That is what you get with charity sometimes, more often than sometimes even. You get half assed care that isn’t what you actually need and you get treated like less than a human in the process. And you are supposed to be grateful for it, no complaining about rough treatment or unfairness. Just suck it up and be glad someone is willing to be in the same room with you. Your poverty makes you untouchable, and it is an act of charity just to tolerate your presence.

I have seen some amazing acts of kindness. I have had my ass saved by strangers and my kid fed by anonymous people in the ether of the internets. I have also seen some horrendous things done in the name of charity because the people on the receiving end are poor and desperate and not allowed to complain.

I would much rather live in a world where basic needs are not left to the whims of other people. You can still be kind, you can still be charitable, but no one’s life or health should depend on whether someone has the “time to treat you like a human being”.

Ah Republicans, can’t live with them, can’t shoot them in the head.

I see that the rethugs are back to comparing poor, hungry children to wild beasts. What they forget is that one of the most dangerous creatures in the wild is an angry mama. I guess I no longer need to fein politeness.

But it’s not like Dems are any better cough*spendingfreeze*cough. (Somewhere Keyes and Gailbraith and Roosevelt are all turning over in their graves with shame) Since people like me, you know, the not wealthy white dudes of the world, are being treated so contemptibly by the powerful of society, I don’t think we should be following any of societies rules. And shoplifters of the world unite has been stuck in my head for weeks.

So in this brave new world I say steal from the rich, the powerful, the corrupt. I say that if you need a home- go find a foreclosure and make it your own. When the politicians are no longer serving the needs of the people, perhaps it’s time to sharpen the blades of the guillotines, or at least pick their deep pockets.

Revolution requires more than just some inspirational words on a blog or in a book. It requires action. We can think and talk all we want, but it doesn’t change a damn thing. We can vote and volunteer, but as I heard it so aptly put once long ago- voting only rotates the elites, it doesn’t actually change them.

Change requires action. Evolution requires action. We either change what we are doing to survive or we die. And make no mistake, those in power (both red and blue) are quite fine with seeing us wither away from starvation or die of exposure because we lack a home.

Wonder and I actually had a conversation about how you can get more freedom with a benevolent dictator than you can with our current form of oligarchy, I mean “democracy”. How fucked up is that?

In the mean time- i still have neither my own computer or internet access. I’ve been making pretty art instead. Paper flower sculptures and cut paper things and even a painting for my aunts birthday. I’d show you all pictures, but that involves having access to a compy, camera and internet all at or near the same time. And i don’t, but it’s probably healthier for me than spending my time reading all the horrible ways the horrible people in the world are making life harder for the poor, the brown, the female. I’ve been avoiding the news because every time they show something about Haiti I start to cry. I do wonder what lovely disaster capitalism plans are going to forced on the suffering people of that country. I wonder why it is that we Americans are controlling Port Au Prince’s airport, instead of say the UN.

But fuck it. Power corrupts and our powerful are all assholes.

Perhaps I should stick with the useless pretty art for a bit. I feel like I’m standing in front of a wildfire screaming out for a hose while no one listens, though Wonder said that when they do listen the hose they bring comes from the gas station. Yep- I’m bitter and angry and I can’t see anyway out of this current horror of politics that doesn’t involve something bloody. And my feral child who shouldn’t be fed because he might breed is just close enough to adulthood to become someone’s war fodder.

Well kids, here i am, hijacking free internet at the county hospital. It’s been a week of crappy craptasticness full of actual, literal crap.

We all have developed some stomach thing that we think may be food poisoning. Other cousin is in the hospital. She’s doing okay now, but….

In the midst of the nastiness that prolly came from giardia infected tomatoes (as diagnosed by us since the docs seem to think there is nothing weird in a family of 9 having 7 members come down with stomach yuckies and the only people who have escaped the yuckies didn’t eat the pico de gallo I made. (Yes, there is no small amount guilt I am carrying because I just had to have roma tomatoes and not those sucky, watery beefstake kind) we also: had the cable disconnected (not a big deal for me, but sick people do like to lounge in front of the noise box) and then the water and then the the fridge died as sad death. Now the dogs (who ate our leftovers) are sick. And in all this vomity mess i didn’t get the comment platform changed and I have no idea if we have comments or not.

But while all this is going on Haiti, a country that I have loved from afar for a long time because of the brashness of some slaves a few hundred years ago 1) was one of 3 and only 3 democratic revolutions to have happened in the late 18th early 19th centuries- see also French and American and 2) was the site of the only successful revolt of African slaves in the New(ly colonized) World, has a massive earthquake and tens of thousands are dead. the bodies are stacked in the street to protest the lack of assistance. Water is as hard to come by as gold and much more needed.

Someone said on the news “how much longer will Haiti be punished for having overthrown their oppressors 200 years ago?” And they are right, about the punishment. You only have to look at the different economics of the Dominican Republic and Haiti to see how poorly we treat those who manage to thrwart the kyriarchy for a while.

But like physics, oppression works in the small as well as the large. Haiti’s punishment from wealthy white nations isn’t much different from the scorn heaped on beaten women who finally kill their husbands. While we might cheer their successful escape initially, we don’t want them to pass on the idea that violence works to end oppression. It’s bad for business as usual. Wouldn’t it be better if that woman went to the authorities instead of grabbing a gun? Wouldn’t it be better if Haiti asked for another round of “free trade” assistance and the international military police force to enforce it?

I think of Haiti as the little country that could. I have sobbed my eyes out at the news reports coming from Port a Prince. I hope when all the bodies have been buried and the tears have run dry that Haiti gets a chance to rebuild itself. A real chance.

But I fear that this horrible tragedy will prove what we already know, that Obama is as Chicago school, disaster capitalist as Bush was and that Haiti will continue to be punished for the offense of seeking freedom on it’s own terms.

And if you want to give money to help, I suggest giving to Partners in Health, whose staff is mostly native Haitian and whose goal is an indigenous reform of the country’s health care infrastructure.