TRIGGER WARNING: About that unpleasantness at Penn State

TRIGGER WARNING: (child rape, extreme entitlement, rampant stupidity)

There are lots of things you can say about the unpleasant news from Penn State.

This, in my not-so-frigging humble-opinion, is the most appropriate. (There are plenty of extremely close runners-up. Like this. And this.)

If I hear one more tearful student or alum or bigshot talking about Penn State’s healing, I’m going to make Hothead Paisan look like a genteel grandmother in a Victorian parlour. The victims come first, second, third, ad infinitum, bitches.

Letting go

My lover left Afghanistan yesterday after being deployed there for a year. He’s now safely in another country, where he’ll spend a few days outprocessing with the military, before going to another country, lather, rinse, repeat. It’s probably another 10 days or so before he gets here.

I can finally breathe. I’m starting to cry. It’s safe to cry now that he’s Not There anymore.

Say what you wish about war. “It sucks” is as fine a place as any to start. But when it’s your loved one there, you don’t actually let go until your loved one is on the way back safely. My loved one was confined to a big military base while he was there, but it was still There. Rocket attacks, attempts to break security on base, suicide bombers. (Nothing that got near him, but it’s as much luck as anything.)

I’ve been through a lot since he left. Big life stuff. People who I’d trusted for decades suddenly turning untrustworthy, or downright unsafe. Big family stuff, his and mine.

But now he’s Not There any more. I can let go and cry, really cry. I can grieve all the shit that’s happened, and the people who hurt me or left me, and the loneliness and the oh-my-god-will-it-never-end-ness of it. I can let go because when he gets off the plane he’ll be walking off eagerly, instead of being carried out in a box.

TRIGGER WARNING: Another “false” rape claim, more open season on women

It seems that the case against the former head of the IMF is about to fall apart because of credibility issues with the complainant. There are reports that she lied on her immigration paperwork about serious issues, such as being raped in her country or origin, and may have been involved with organized crime.

The comments on that article deserve a trigger warning. They’re horrible. The old tropes about ‘half of rape accusations are false’ and ‘women are all lying whores’ and all that.
Even though the FBI consistently pegs “unfounded” rape accusations at 8%. That “unfounded” category isn’t just “false,” but cases in which the evidence is inconclusive. Or police and prosecutors can’t make a winnable case.
With apologies to those police officers and prosecutors who truly care about justice for rape victims, there are too many of their colleagues who still harbor the prejudice that women invite rape or make up false claims and treat complainants thusly. When was the last time you heard of a cop berating a man for wearing an expensive watch or driving an expensive car, as though it were inviting people to steal it?
What all of this means for the two people most closely involved, I don’t know. I know what it means for the rest of us: better not have the misfortune to be in the presence of a rapist. No matter what happened, you made it up because that’s what us lying whores do.
When does it STOP being open season on women?
ETA: I should really correct the above. If you have the misfortune to be in the presence of a rapist, you’d better be perfect if you want justice. Never lied. Never sinned. Never flirted. Never had sex, or if you did, only in the missionary position with your husband/lord/master. Whether the maid in this case lied about the rape allegation or didn’t (and if the news reports are correct, she probably did), what the result means for the rest of us is that only those women who can meet the impossibly high Pure Woman Standard (TM) will be judged credible. The rest of us, who’ve led lives, stumbled, picked ourselves up again, flirted, dated, drank, made mistakes, and otherwise fully engaged the world around us, are screwed.

So WHY do women get paid less?

(RQ, hope you don’t mind. I woke up to this news and it’s sort of like finding out that hell DID freeze over.)

For those of you who ever had a connection to Boston, the news that gangster Whitey Bulger was arrested in Santa Monica, California last night after 16 years on the lam is a big deal. Shocking, even. The guy fled in 1995 on the eve of being arrested for a bunch of charges. In his absence, he was charged with as many as 19 murders. (He was also an FBI informant who played the FBI far better than they played him.)

What’s not shocking to me: it was a tip generated from the outreach to women. After 16 years of screw-up after screw-up from the FBI, they finally decided to start a PR outreach to women in the hopes of finding his girlfriend, who fled with him.

THREE DAYS after the campaign started on TV in 14 cities, they caught him. Based on a tip generated from that campaign. In other words, it took civilian women of a certain age a few days to clean up the mess that a male-dominated subculture screwed up for nearly two decades.

In light of this, the SCOTUS decision letting Walmart skate on a humongous sex-discrimination suit is even more offensive, but hey, that’s me.

Women in the Santa Monica area, rock on. Rock on.

On Sarah Palin and “blood libel”

Please forgive my absence – I’ve been dealing with way too much life crap of my own lately. But this called for a quick drive-by. Remember this? From Dangerous Liaisons?

Shame is most often the tool of the kyriarchy against uppity broads like us, and in some ways, I hesitate to apply it to Palin, since she’s getting criticized far more than the Glenn Beck/Rush Limbaugh sector of the right wing. But there’s no place for “blood libel” in public discourse from anyone decent. She and her big-money male supporters

Is your candidate a “regular” person?

Red Queen, I hope you like this one:

A writer at the Cape Cod Times named Sean Gonsalves has come up with this handy checklist to see if your local political candidate is a “regular person” or is just pretending to empathize with the experiences of us regular folks:

1. Have you gone grocery shopping for your family more than once in the past year? No? Red flag.

2. Have you recently received a shut-off notice from your utility company, looking for the overdue balance, and then had to do Rob-Peter-To-Pay-Paul budgeting to avoid having to live without lights or heat? No? Another red flag.

3. Do you live paycheck-to-paycheck, not because you’re a poor money manager, but because your entire salary is less than the cost of living? No? Another red flag, please.

4. Can you afford to replace all four tires on your vehicle on the same day? Yes? And another red flag.

5. Have you ever been put into financial crisis because your only transportation to work was rejected during an inspection and you didn’t have enough money in the bank to get it fixed before your next paycheck? No? The red flags are stacking up!

6. Have you ever shrugged off a tax-free holiday because even without the tax you couldn’t afford to buy whatever “great deal” was being offered? No? Throw the flag.

7. Have you washed and ironed your own clothes, cut your own grass or washed your own dishes at least a dozen times in the past year? No? Now, we are officially in the red zone.

8. Do you worry that if you lose your job, you really won’t be able to find another one, except maybe for a low-paying, won’t-make-the-ends-meet gig in fast-food or retail? No? Red flag alert!

Not a bad place to start, I mean, from a member of the media and all 😉 Maybe there are a few meager signs of hope, after all.

Red flag alerts: one reporter gets it

A writer named Sean Gonsalves for the Cape Cod Times in Massachusetts came up with this nifty list of http://www.capecodonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20101007/NEWS/10070329&emailAFriend=1“>questions to ask a political candidate to see if s/he is really a “regular person” or just someone pretending to understand what “regular” Americans go through:

1. Have you gone grocery shopping for your family more than once in the past year?

No? Red flag.

2. Have you recently received a shut-off notice from your utility company, looking for the overdue balance, and then had to do Rob-Peter-To-Pay-Paul budgeting to avoid having to live without lights or heat?

No? Another red flag.

3. Do you live paycheck-to-paycheck, not because you’re a poor money manager, but because your entire salary is less than the cost of living?

No? Another red flag, please.

4. Can you afford to replace all four tires on your vehicle on the same day?

Yes? And another red flag.

5. Have you ever been put into financial crisis because your only transportation to work was rejected during an inspection and you didn’t have enough money in the bank to get it fixed before your next paycheck?

No? The red flags are stacking up.

6. Have you ever shrugged off a tax-free holiday because even without the tax you couldn’t afford to buy whatever “great deal” was being offered?

No? Throw the flag.

7. Have you washed and ironed your own clothes, cut your own grass or washed your own dishes at least a dozen times in the past year?

No? Now, we are officially in the red zone.

8. Do you worry that if you lose your job, you really won’t be able to find another one, except maybe for a low-paying, won’t-make-the-ends-meet gig in fast-food or retail?

No? Red flag alert!

An idea for the Prop 8 supporters

(WARNING: Snark Alert!)

Those poor, poor dears who supported Prop 8 must be in high dudgeon today, following that decision from the meanie judge in California. They’re just trying to defend the sanctity of marriage from Teh Gays and the Eeeevil Libruls and such.


Gentle readers, I think I have an idea to soothe their rustled nerves and satisfy the Constitution at the same time. How’s about we just cancel out the more than 1,000 particular legal rights that come along with a marriage license in this country?

Yup, that’s right. Those sweet, holy people who claim it’s just about the sanctity of marriage can put their money where their mouths are. Renounce all the legal rights that come with the white lace and promises, and bring it all back to where you say it is: the sanctity, the tradition, the godliness and all that. Give up the tax breaks, the rights of survivorship and inheritance, the thousand and one automatic legal presumptions and legs-up and bonus points you and yours get for inking the license.

Oh, not so much? Well, then, I guess it’s not really about the sanctity–it IS about the rights that you think you deserve because you put a particular Tab A into another particular Slot B. And others whose blueprints don’t work that way shouldn’t have the same rights ’cause their blueprints are….icky.

So stuff your sanctity. Or go practice it peacefully, according to your own conscience, with my sincerest blessings. Or abandon it all, if you wish. It’s entirely up to you. Just don’t try to deny other people THEIR legal rights because YOU conflated your own moral squick with the legal privileges attached to a particular legal status.

Ya can’t get sumthin’ fer nuthin’

Please forgive me, as I’m liable to ramble from stress, lack of sleep, and other assorted foolishness, but all these Tea Part no-tax types are really giving me a wedgie of biblical proportions. They think government’s the problem to everything and the free market is the solution to everything.

Uh, hello, you really think no government is a good idea? Go visit someplace that hasn’t got a working government to speak of: Somalia. See how you like the free market solutions there, such as the strongest rule and everyone else cowers, piracy, child soldiers, rape as a tool or war, and so on. You think you’re that tough, Messrs. Paul the Elder and the Younger and the rest of you, that you’ll wind up top dog in that scenario?

The bottom line is that government serves us all. It’s all around us and, despite its many problems, does us a whole boatload of good most of the time. It’s like the list of things in the famous viral email A Day in the Life of Joe Republican–damn near everything the guy touches in his day has been developed, guarded, improved or otherwise affected in a positive way by some sort of government action, yet he thinks he’s a lone superhero who achieved everything in his life on his own and he begrudges anyone else who wants a sliver of what he takes for granted.

You can’t get sumthin’ fer nuthin,’ folks. Yeah, you anti-tax types, I’m talkin’ to you. You want police and fire and EMS to come save your hide when something goes down? You pay taxes. Those rescue folks can’t rescue you if the roads aren’t plowed or the water doesn’t flow, so you’d better have those public works types there, too. You need to sue a contractor to stiffed you? It takes court types to try the case and see to it that you get your restitution or the contractor who stiffed you goes to jail. It takes public servants to guard those people in jail. It takes accountants to keep banks in line and people at the DMV to test new drivers and bus drivers to get you to work and scientists to keep your drinking water clean and so much more. There are people doing thousands of jobs you’ve probably never even heard of, but if you need ’em, you’ll be damned glad to have ’em.

Do government workers screw up? Sure. But I haven’t seen your average rank-and-file public servant do to our country what Bernie Madoff did. Or BP. Or Enron. Etc. Our country functions better when there are enough jobs to go around, when people don’t go hungry or sick, and when there’s enough infrastructure (i.e. government) around to help keep the good stuff happening and keep a lid on as much of the bad stuff as possible.

And for the privilege of living in that society, you gotta pay. If you’re not in a position to pay–say you’re jobless, or unable to work, or have suffered some catastrophe, for example–then I think it is perfectly fine for the government to help you, for as long as you need it, in whatever ways you need help to be safe, secure, healthy and keep a few shreds of dignity about you. People who are taken care of and made to feel welcome will, when they can, be eager to contribute whatever they can to society.

However, if you’re one of the lucky ones who benefits a whole big heaping bunch from the privilege of living in a society with plenty of government to enforce laws and keep things moving, then isn’t it fair that you pay a larger share of the cost? Unless you’re the pirate lord in some part of Somalia, you didn’t get there yourself. So unless you’re willing to pay for your own private police, fire, medical, FDA, water testing, forensic accounting, armed services, court system and more, pay your share and quit your bitchin’.