When I was working at my temp corporate whore position this summer, I worked with a guy who could be considered the classic definition of cockswagger. I’ve worked in a lot of male dominated environments and have, more often than not, been the only woman in a group of male employees. So I have gotten pretty good at subversive tactics in mind-changing.
So Mr. Cockswagger, Ms. Still Young Enough to Believe That Secretaries Can Become The Boss and I were having lunch one day when Cockswagger called some guy a cunt.
Ms. SYEtBTSCBTB: You can’t say that!
Cockswagger: Say what?
Me: You can’t call someone a cunt
Cockswagger: You just said it.
Me: I own a cunt, I can say it all I want. If you don’t own one or you aren’t one, you can’t use the word.
Cockswagger: Well I own one too
Me: I dare you to call your wife right now and tell her you just said that.
Next day
Cockswagger: I talked to my wife about our conversation yesterday.
Me: And…
Cockswagger:(dejectedly) I don’t get to use the C-word.
And there you have it. That is why can call myself a bitch. That is why I can say cunt till I’m blue in the face. That is why it’s not racist when black people use the n-word or gay guys use the term fag.
It is also why calling someone a pussy is not an okay insult. Pussy is usually a term that men use to call other men weak. Except when you think about it, a pussy is probably one of the toughest body parts nature created. If you could spend 18 hours working to get a tennis ball to come out of your nostril, you are going to think of your nostril as the most amazing thing ever. Men use the term pussy to mean weakness because it means that a man is acting like a woman. I think it’s time we reclaim the word.
Instead of asking if someone has the balls to do something, I think I shall wonder “If he’s got the pussy to pull it off”. I may even retire the “ovaries of steel” line in favor of ” toughest pussy in the world”. When I see a woman do something brave or courageous, I will say that she has a “lead lined pussy” or maybe that she’s so strong her pussy could could give birth to an entire high school band, instruments and all.