I fucking hate you

If you ever thought or wrote this about Sarah Palin:


Let’s face it, if she had really wanted to spare her daughter the harsh
glare of the spotlight, she could have respectfully declined the job

then you are a piece of human scum and I fucking hate you. Bonus points if you are a woman.

What the fuck is wrong with you people? I can understand you are gung ho on voting the party that hates you and treats you like scum, but at least have the fucking decency of leaving others alone.

You know, I am starting to see Sarah Palin as a feminist hero, for the shit the so-called progressives and feminists lob at her for having the audacity to not kis Barky’s ass while possessing boobs. They don’t hate her for being a republican- behold the similar hatred Hillary got from them, they hate her for being a woman. Plain and simple. What is worse is that people who were upset when it happened to Hillary think it’s OK to pick on Palin on those exact things.

The truth of 2008 finally comes out: Hillary didn’t lose because she was Hillary, or wrong, she lost because she is a woman and women who run for political power are horrible people . Nothing they will ever do will be good enough for it. How dare they forget they are inferior, worthless and generally irrelevant?

Mind you, per se, Hillary didn’t LOSE. She was robbed of the nomination. But that is another animal isn’t it?

I fucking hate people.

Dear Senator Hillary Clinton

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Thank-you.
Thank-you for all of the amazing things you have accomplished in your life.  Thank-you for being a wonderfully strong and confident woman to whom my daughter can look for inspiration.
Thank-you for being a champion for women’s rights.
Thank-you for your fight for health care.
Thank-you for smashing through the glass ceilings that you have and most of all, thank-you for running for the Democratic nomination.
Thank-you for staying in the race this long and giving as many people as possible a choice.
I am awaiting your next move, for I know that it will break ground and pave ways for future generations of women.  I know that whatever you choose to pursue next it will make my life better, and it will make the future better for my daughter, and everyone with whom she will share that future.
I know that you will not let me down, for you haven’t done so yet.  I know you are not perfect and that you have made mistakes, but being that you are human, I know you have learned from those mistakes and will use them to better prepare to forge ahead. 
I hold you to the highest of standards, and wait anxiously for the great things I expect to see from you in the future.  
Our Future.
Thank-you.
Warmest Regards and Endless Admiration,
Chang’e

Not to Change the Subject…

but something has been really pissing me off lately.

Swearing.
I swear.  A. Lot.  I use “colorful language” pretty loosely.  I use the word “Fuck” like a comma.  Sometimes when I write I use a lot of slang and “profanity”, and I feel like it gets my point across.  I am a grown up.  A fucking “adult”, so if I want to rip loose with a few good “fuck that”‘s and “to hell with this”‘s, I am going to.  My writing is pretty damn good, I wouldn’t be getting published now and then if it wasn’t.
I am getting a little sick and tired of hearing people criticize writers, speakers, activists, especially women, for swearing.  If I had a dollar for every time I heard or read in a comment that I should watch my language, or that swearing makes me seem immature, or that using a “cuss word” (seriously, does anyone who actually “cusses” use the word “cuss”?) detracts from my point I could give up writing altogether and retire to a tropical island.
Whether it is people saying that Jessica Valenti is really smart until she opens her mouth (even her wonderful feminist primer, Full Frontal Feminism is sharply criticized for it’s conversational writing style) because her swearing takes away from her point, or a woman being completely discredited on a valid point or not taken seriously about assault because she had the audacity to say “Don’t fucking talk to me like that” I am getting seriously pissed that people are being judged on their choice to thrown “shit” into a sentence or not.
Swearing doesn’t show that you are uneducated or that you don’t know what you are talking about.  It doesn’t mean that you lack the skills to verbalize something in a more “friendly” way.  It sure as hell doesn’t mean that we have no better way to say something.  Sometimes the best sentiment out there is “right the fuck on“.
There are many, countless intelligent writers out there, many more so than myself, who are more than comfortable using “foul” language regularly.  Whether it be Cara at the Curvature, or Roy at No Cookies for Me, Jill or Zuzu et al at Feministe, the wonderful team at Shakesville, any of the ladies at Feminising, BlackAmazon, or our very own Red Queen, the fact that we swear doesn’t detract or lessen the message.  I would dare anyone to call any of them uneducated.  There are plenty of people out there who are saying things “politely”, and frankly, I don’t think it is getting the message across.  What is happening when we decide to swear in our writing is that we are making people pay attention.  We are making people wiggle in their chairs and think “Oh, no!  She didn’t!”, and I am going to tell you, “Oh, yes!  She did!”.  We have got you thinking, and if all you can see is the swearing and “impolite” language, then I think you might be either reading the wrong blogs, books, articles, or your brain just isn’t capable of handling the message.  If all you can see are the trees, get the hell out of the forest.
I am done taking criticism because I use any type of swearing.  If you want to police language, put your efforts on the people throwing around “gay” or “faggot” as if it is an insult, or have a round or two with someone who thinks it’s OK to call a woman a “bitch” or a “cunt”, or to say that someone who enjoys having sex is a “slut” or “whore”.  Focus your censorship on someone who is using hateful speech to keep someone in their place, usually a woman (or, for that matter, calling a man a “pussy” or “girl” as a way to insult him, cuz you know, that is the worst thing a man can be, the strongest human anatomy unit ever…don’t believe me…what do men have that stretches to about 300 times it’s size and shoots whole people forcefully out of a ten centimeter hole?).
We are a culture all our own.  We are writers, speakers, activists and feminists who are finished being “polite”, worrying about who is going to be offended reading a few choice four letter cherries and we are going to say exactly what we think exactly the way we see fit.  If you don’t like it the door is over there, and I promise not to get choked up.
And if you are one of us, thank-you for taking the time to stop by.  Take the message with you when you leave and pass it on.
And have a great fucking day.

Dropping “F-Bombs”

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And I want to go first by saying “Fuck Yeah!”, after reading this article in the Washington Post where Juno and X-Men actress Ellen Page gave an interiview, and wasn’t afraid to use her own F-Bomb:

I call myself a feminist when people ask me if I am, and of course I am ’cause it’s about equality, so I hope everyone is. You know you’re working in a patriarchal society when the word feminist has a weird connotation. “Hippie” has a weird connotation. “Liberal” has a weird connotation.

(emphasis mine)

(I am not going to mention the idiot interviewer asking dumb questions like “Don’t all Canadians know each other?”.  Moron.)
But I just had to say “Yay!” to Ellen Page, and let everyone know that I have added her to my Girl Crush List.
Also, read that article…because I have to drop another F-Bomb:  Fuck you, anti-choicers!  Juno isn’t a “pro-life” movie like you morons would have everyone believe!  Ha!
(I promise I am finished now)
We now return you to your regularly scheduled web-surfing.

Ok- I’ll bite

Echidne has a great post up about choice feminism (I feel like I should be using scare quotes around choice).


Another was the idea that feminism somehow made all choices any woman made into feminist ones or at least immune from feminist criticism. If a woman chose to stay at home, that was a feminist choice. If a woman chose to be employed, that was a feminist choice. If a woman chose to relinquish all her rights and to subject herself to her husband’s authority, well, even that was a feminist choice! (No, I’m not making that last one up.) The very definition of “feminist” became identical with “some woman has chosen it” and that “some woman had chosen it” became identical with “feminist.” This is circular thinking, but what is worse is the usual addition that these choices cannot therefore be criticized or discussed. After all, wasn’t feminism all about giving women more choices?

Women are humans, and as humans, we sometimes make stupid choices. Somehow, feminism has become tied to unconditional support of women’s choices no matter what. But how is that any better than the old thinking that women shouldn’t get into politics because they were too good for it? Both cases make us into things that are not quite human, on one hand we shouldn’t get involved in politics because we’re too ethical and pure, on the other hand our choices should not be questioned because we are women. If a man made a choice to do something stupid that drastically impacted the welfare of himself and his family, we would have no problem calling him a tool. If we really want equality, we need to stop patting ourselves on the head for making any choice, regardless of how stupid it is.

Echidne also goes on to say that:


My own observations suggest that feminists criticizing housewives or strippers for their occupational choices are less common than non-feminists criticizing employed mothers, say. But in any case feminism never promised the total lack of any questioning about the choices people make.

Here’s where I bite. I’m one of those feminists who will criticize women for choosing to be housewives. By choosing to be housewives, women choose to do a very difficult job for no pay, and by not getting paid for it, they devalue the work that they do (and that the rest of us have to do even if we work full time outside of the house).

The work of caring for children and the home is no less difficult than being a garbage man, yet garbage men are paid reasonably well and generally receive benefits and retirement packages. And they get time off, housewives don’t. But because of how we idealize motherhood, mothers do not receive payment for their services. They are expected to satisfied with being paid in kisses and love and their children’s accomplishments.

Yet all the services that housewives provide are vital to the continuation of society. If no one ever cooked a meal or did laundry or read bedtime stories or even just had babies, society would literally end. And we have ways of paying for these services. Even housewives use dry cleaners and restaurants. There are nannies and daycares that will read to children and house cleaning services that will scrub your toilets. Hell, you can now even outsource your pregnancy to an Indian surrogate. All of these things are jobs that pay you for your time and effort.

By doing all of these jobs for no pay, housewives set the bar very low for the wages of the people who do those jobs for pay. The job of the housewife is idealized so that we can continue to get vital services without paying for them. And they should be paid for. All we need to do is look at Germany to see what happens when women realize that the costs of having children outweigh the benefits. Birthrates drop, drastically.

So I will criticize women for being SAHMs. You’re bringing us all down. Either get work or start demanding to be compensated for your time and energy in something more tangible than sentimental fluff.

Is motherhood harder than

Being bent over all day picking lettuce for minimum wage

Being a grave digger

Being a secretary who knows more about whats going on that the boss that makes 10 times what you do

Being a customer service rep answering the same questions over and over again during the day and being yelled at for things you have no control over

Being a prison guard

Being a counselor to rape victims or domestic violence victims

Being a nurse in a burn unit

Being a pilot flying a 747 full of people in rough weather

Being an immigration lawyer

Being a published author

Being a social worker

Being a scientist working on a cure for cancer or AIDS

Being a hospice care provider

Being the head of you own company

Probably not.

The Mommy Fetish- short version

My piece for the anthology is about how we fetishize motherhood so we don’t have to pay women to do the actual work of mothering. It’s also about calling bullshit on the “motherhood is my greatest accomplishment” line that moms (both SAHM and working moms) are supposed to spew out instead of any accomplishments that might get the recognition outside of the home.

Over at RandomBabble and today at Pandagon and with some of the people (mostly guys) that I have talked to about the essay, I have started some shit. Apparently being pissed off that women get pigeonholed into an unpaid and thankless role means I’m bitchy or something. Fine.

But here’s the thing. Women have been having babies and raising them to adulthood for at least 200,000 years, and pretty damn successfully. In developed countries with access to prenatal care and childhood vaccinations and general freedom from the violence of wars and famine, raising a child to adulthood is a given. We don’t spend every day of our child’s life worrying about whether they are going to starve to death or be turned into war fodder. We worry about whether they are reading at grade level or socializing properly or getting the right organic nutrients and college entrance test scores. These are not life or death concerns, they are marginal. Being a mother in a developed country rarely means making life or death choices for your kids.

So if you’re a SAHM in America claiming that your kids are your greatest accomplishment- I call bullshit. If you’re a working mom in America and you say the same thing- I call bullshit on that too. We (moms) are doing a tough and thankless job, yes. But not a job that hasn’t been done by billions and billions of women before us.

And lots of people have tough and thankless jobs. Fast food workers, secretaries, farm workers, customer service people. I have yet to hear any of those people demand that people acknowledge their sacrifice for showing up everyday at a crap job. Because we pay them. Moms, on the other hand, get paid in stupid cards and flowers one day a year and a giant shitload of platitudes and sentiment the rest of the year.

I would rather have the cash than the sentiment. And I am sorry if you feel hurt because I think choosing to stay at home with your kids isn’t an accomplishment worthy of my admiration. Whopdee fucking do. You’re not some poor Sudanese mother who has managed to keep all of her daughters from being raped and her sons from being slaughtered (which would be an accomplishment). You’ve just managed to get little Chloe or Zack to sleep through the night or pick up cheerios in a pincher grasp or whatever. And so have we working moms, with half the time and twice the workload.

Be your own damn greatest accomplishment, let your kids be theirs. Give them an example to follow, not a fucking martyr.