Category Archives: human tribe

This was going to be about Christmas.

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This morning I was getting ready to compose a post about the whole “Merry Christmas Controversy”, in which I was going to implore my fellow Christians not to participate in the uncharitable complaining which has cropped up in recent years in the face of well-meaning, or even purely commercial attempts to recognize the seasonal celebrations of our non-christian neighbors.

I was going to comment that this sort of harping seems to originate from voices whose agendas appear inconsistent, at least in this Christian’s viewpoint, with the teachings, much less the example, of Jesus. Of course if you’re a Christian who read this blog, I’m probably preaching to the choir.

I was going to explain that this “War on Christmas” nonsense makes us look like fools at best, and worse, that it encourages the kind of bigotry that led a group of young men, who probably consider themselves Christians, to attack group of young Jewish men and women on a subway for replying to their “Merry Christmas” with “Happy Hanukkah”

But I want to stop right there for a moment. I’ve got more to say on the Christmas thing, but something caught my attention, and I almost skipped right past it.

If you’ve been following the conversation on here the last week, you’ve noticed the phrase “human tribe” popping up a few times. You’ve seen that the recurring theme this week has been — what motivates people to help others when it’s not in their own direct self-interest?

You’ve read Red’s heartfelt thank-you to someone who helped her out, depite their disagreements.

We’ve wondered out loud how to change society so that helping people in need is the norm.

Now let’s go back to that subway.

Cause I wanna take notice of one of those people we’re talking about. Those people, like the KBR employee with the cell phone, and Red’s not-so-anonymous benefactor. A regular person, who didn’t just stand by & do nothing.

His name is Hassan Askari. He’s a 20-year old accounting student from Bangladesh, who says he’s not a hero. He’s a Muslim, but he wasn’t thinking about the religious differences between himself and these strangers.

“I didn’t have time to think about that,” he said. “I was more thinking that these guys were going to get beaten up and I should do something.”

According to Mr. Askari, his parents are proud of him.
They taught him to stand up for others.

Because it’s the right thing to do.

Know them by their deeds

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One of my few strengths is being able to admit when I’m wrong. And I have to say a great big huge apology to someone who I was not terribly kind to.

Last night, Wonder told me someone wanted to help out my current situation with some money, anonymously if they could. I wracked my brains trying to think who it could be, but I could not have been more shocked when I saw who it was (turns out paypal isn’t so anonymous). This is someone I have not been nice to, someone I have been pretty dismissively mean to. For that, I am sorry. I guess I figured you were one of those types of Christians I run across all the time, all talk and judgment, not a lot of charity.

Thank you for your generous gift. I know you have kids and it’s Christmas,that money could have gone for toys for your own kids. So please know it means a lot to us. It will help us get some groceries and cover overdraft fees until we get food stamps, and I am sure that if the Kid knew you’re the reason we get to have a really good dinner tonight, he’d give you a tackle hug.

For not giving you the benefit of the doubt before, I am sorry. I am sure we will find many many ways to disagree in the future, but performing an act of charity for someone you don’t get along with very well is pretty much the top of the list of ways Christians are supposed to be good. I am sorry, and thankful, and very impressed.

More on the human tribe and apathy

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Shakes has the horrific story of a 15 year old girl in Brazil who was thrown into a prison for men and gang raped for a month.

The standard response is “Why didn’t anyone do something”

I will say right here- none of us knows what we would have done in that situation. The statistics show that most of us would have ignored it. Even if we think we would have done something, the chances are that we wouldn’t have, and I am just as guilty despite my general concern and proggy tendencies.

So instead of lamenting the human condition and being outraged that nothing was done to help this girl, I want to know what do we do to change society so that helping is the standard response and ignoring the pain of others is the shameful response instead of the backwards way we have it now.

How poverty really works, and how sometimes the universe gives you presents

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Three months ago, when I started classes, I stopped receiving food stamps. My income level is such that based on income alone, I am unequivocally eligible for the full amount of food stamps per month for 2 people.

But I had the gall, as a poor person, to get an education. And not just an education, but I was going for an academic degree. And people in academic programs are not eligible for food stamps.

If I had known my place and instead went for a technical certificate in something like medical assisting (a career where I would make less hourly than I do now) then I would have been eligible not only for food stamps but for a whole host of other programs.

With few exceptions*, technical and vocational programs do not lift people out of poverty permanently. They stave off poverty only as long as those skills are in high demand. And once the demand is met, those technical certificates are worth little.

So we have been without food stamps for three months. It is not a coincidence that those are the three moths I owe rent for. It was a choice. Feed the Kid or pay rent. That is the total of what my meager earning can provide. I chose feed the kid.

So now Christmas is looming along with an eviction. Payday isn’t until Friday and my bank account is overdrawn. The cupboards and fridge are near bare and last night I had the Kid eat a super loaded baked potato for dinner. The last potato, actually. He was mortified that I was skipping dinner and kept trying to give me his potato. If he had known that I skipped lunch too, I don’t think I could have gotten him to eat. After he went to bed, I had some celery and some chicken stock. I swear I’m not on some super restriction diet, though it sounds like it.

Today is the last day of class, and I filed for food stamps this morning. In a week or so, we can go to the grocery store and restock the cabinets (if there are cabinets to be stocked). In the mean time I just have to get through till Friday.

So I came into work today. On the last day of every quarter we have a big pot luck lunch, but I usually get here too late to get anything. The universe smiled on me today though, cause I have never seen such a spread in over four years here. I just loaded up a plate with turkey and potato salad and orzo salad with artichoke hearts and mashed potatoes and …….

I was planning on skipping lunch today too. I’m really glad I didn’t have to.

*Exception- the program I work for actually teaches skills that people can use to start their own business. They have high earing potential straight after graduation. This is a program that was originally designed for a very male dominated field, which might explain why the income potential is higher than that of other vocational programs. We have a large population of female students and a very gender friendly campus.

The Human Tribe and some other stuff

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Wonder and I had a giggly, manic phone conversation till the wee hours last night. Some highlights include:

The use of the southern y’all versus you guys. I don’t like y’all, but I like the gender specific you guys even less. I have decided to use “you peeps” instead. It is gender neutral and has the added bonus conjuring up images of fluffy marshmallow chicks.

Our family has a very distinct way of speaking. I wasn’t raised around my cousins and it wasn’t until a few years ago that I started seeing them on what could be considered a regular basis. When I took my first 2 week long Christmas vacation to the family compound, I was weirded out by all these women who have the same squeaky voice as me, who use the same inflections as me, the same weird phrases as me. We say “I suppose” and “exxXactly” way too much.

Wonder and I were also talking about how people everywhere are racist. I think it’s the tribal thing- we all want to categorize who belongs and who doesn’t.

So from that thought- this morning I decided that if we really want to end global warming – we need to dress it up as a two headed alien with acid green skin. That way we can look at all the other humans and say “We are way more like each other than we are like the green monster” and get over ourselves.

Wanna make someone act like an asshole, tell them it’s their job

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There is a story going around the internets about a 22 year old woman who was gangraped by fellow KBR/Halliburton employees in Iraq. She was then thrown into a shipping container, refused medical treatment and told not to tell anyone. She only escaped because a sympathetic guard let her use his cell phone to call her dad.

Amanda wonders why the guard didn’t do more. I don’t. I know that it takes a very special type of psychology to be a “helper” in these cases where MOST people who are told they have a job to do would follow orders, even if those orders are morally repugnant. Study after study has shown that people who are doing a job will commit heinous act, the most notables being the Milgram experiment and the Stanford Prison Experiment, if it is part of their job. In the Stanford experiment only one person out of over 50 objected to the way the prisoners were being treated.

There are some specific traits to “helper” types, while there are no outstanding traits to those who would inflict pain. Helpers generally have a parent who was highly ethical and held them to high ethical expectations, they usually come from some kind of marginalized group like a religious minority and they have an adventurous spirit.

For everybody else, doing a job that you have been told to do is more important than how you feel about the job. There is a responsibility trade off. The actors give up moral responsibility, they are just doing what they are told, and take on the physical responsibility of the actual work of inflicting pain. When you give people in a group this kind of work, they are even less likely to question it than if you give it to an individual.

So while we may be horrified (I certainly am) at the behavior of the KRB men who raped this woman and their fellow employees who prevented her from getting help, it is not surprising. MOST of us would behave the same way in the same circumstances. And that is probably the saddest statement on the state of humanity that there is.

News from the home front

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I have been under some major stress. About a week ago I got a legal notice from my landlord that they are trying to evict me. This same landlord has recently raised my rent without giving the required 60 days notice, (actually she gave it to me after the effective date of the rent increase with a note that said I owed x amount in back rent plus late fees) and I have been without cabinet doors in my kitchen or heat in my bedroom (okay, there is a heater but it’s a fire hazard and not usable) for going on two years now.

Yep- I haven’t paid my rent since October. Granted, I have no idea what my actual rent amount is since she raised it and despite being pretty damn patient I am not in the mood to spend another winter sleeping in the living room, effectively turning my two bedroom apartment into a one bedroom because it’s too damn cold to sleep upstairs.

So I sent my little non-legalese response to her attorney. I don’t know how this is going to turn out. Kid and I may end up homeless for Christmas. But just having sent in the response I feel better.

Wish me luck- I think it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Stand there in your wrongness and be wrong.

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A post over on feministe about the flooding in Mexico has sparked quite a bit of anger at brownfemipower . Well, not the post itself, but rather, the insensitivity and ignorance of the (mostly-white?) commenters, especially the first few.

Being somewhat new to feminism as a current (rather than historical) “thing” I’ve been reading a bit lately. on various blogs, including the Women of Color Blog. So I was a bit more prepared to hear what she had to say on this topic than I would have been a week ago. See, it seems that many non-white feminists have a lot to say about white feminists. And it’s not all “hey what a great job you’re doing promoting equality for everyone” It’s more like “Hey you’re really fucked up and NOT promoting equality for everyone!” It’s more like “You’re really biased and you just can’t see it!”

And you know what?

They’re right.

And I’m just as guilty as anyone. One of my first comments on Red’s post about the floods was an idiotic attempt to make a humorous connection between this tragedy and the immigration discussion we were having earlier. Mercifully, it was removed from the page in a matter of minutes by either Red, The Almighty, or Teh Internet Gremlins. Or Deek. He hasn’t posted in a while, but I’m sure he’s still got edit-power, and hates this kind of bullshit.

And I’m thankful, because it was offensive, and I never should have said it. It was offensive because people are dying, and I used it as an opportunity to make a joke. From safe in the heart of “white america,” I made a joke. not an overtly racist joke, but the fact that I, in a position of unearned privilege took advantage of that privilege to show how witty i’m not, reeks of racism.

And that is WRONG.

  • Nearly a million people homeless, and we giggle over “Tabasco”.
  • I can’t find a number on how many dead, and we excuse ourselves with “class, not race” as if the two bear no connection, and white people don’t benefit economically from the color of our skin.
  • Our government offers the insult of 3oo,000 crumbs off our table for relief, while spending millions(billions?) on a “border fence” and military aid to fight a phantom “drug war” and we try to prove how clever we are.(my mercifully deleted comment)
  • The Mainsteam US Media largely ignores the tragedy, and we quibble over whether the CA fires can be compared to Katrina

And then we go over there and reply to brownfemipower’s post with our “oh-no-i’m- embarassed-to-be-white*- we’re-not-all-like-that-please-don’t-hate-us-all” hand-wringing.

To Which she says:

brownfemipower

“We’re not all so hopeless, and many of us benefit from the education.”

First, i want to say that I get everybody’s point and i think that it’s great, really really really great that so many people take this shit to heart and really genuinely want to learn and understand and change etc. I trust every single one of you, and understand you are coming from a good place.

but I just want to pause and reflect here and point out that there is some very real and very righteous rage here–Aaminah has Latin@ family, I am Latin@, several of the woc who posted are intimately connected to Latin@ communities or women through organizing or have seen their own communities similarly traumatized and then mocked by white majorities–and I just want to point out that even as women are *politely* pointing out that you want to learn and you are very grateful–this rage, this hurt, this pain that women of color are feeling is being very subtly rewritten to be about white women and how they hope that we won’t stop teaching them.

because what is this really about, this hope that we won’t stop teaching? I look at it as a defensive reaction. As, even in sympathy and understanding, being a bit defensive and needing to point out that *you* aren’t *them*–that you aren’t *that*. that *you* are not hopeless, even if those others are–it is a way of distancing yourself, and at the same time, sort of absolving yourself–you are not them, and you don’t have to call *them* out because you’re busy letting us know how much you want to be taught.

Now is not the time, even politely, to let us know that you hope we never stop teaching you–now is the time to cut through the bullshit and respect that when a community’s world is collapsing, a little human sympathy and understanding would be perfect. of course, there are other things that could be talked about and reflected on as well–but when a community is in pain and suffering–they owe nothing to anybody. They have the right to speak their anger, their pain, their rage, their hurt, without any pressure or expectations on them at all.

thank you so much for understanding–and I appreciate all of the support.

We don’t get it. So we need to shut up and listen, and realize that it’s not always about us.
And we need to, as BFP said, call each other out when we act racist, even inadvertently, and not expect our hands to be held every step of the way.

*(Actually I kinda am… Or, rather, I recognize how inherently unjust and shameful it is that my being born with less obvious pigmentation places me in a “protected” category whose interests are served at the expense of people who are, well, browner than I am.)

“God Transcends Nationalism”

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I just want to clairfy I’m not trying to advocate for anarchy here. I’m just problematizing the the previous claim that one should see elected legislators as instruments of God. I believe each person, including the members of the board of supervisors, is flawed and finite and should discern the will of God for themselves rather than assume that persons in power will automatically work out a divine plan— Rev. Nancy McLadd, Bull Run Unitarian Universalists

Small-Town Politics Happy Dance

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So, the mayor of my charming little adopted hometown of about 8000 decided that the city needn’t bother to speak the native language of about 1/5 of its residents… you know, the ones who do most of our agricultural work (in a county whose economy is largely based on citrus and other fruits & vegetables which need to be harvested by hand), a big chunk of our construction, and a whole laundry list of other back-breaking, no-respect, low-paying jobs.

The “Illegal Immigration Relief Act” was copied almost verbatim from a similar ordinance passed in Hazelton, PA, and would have, amongst other things, declared English the “Official Language” and the only language the city does business in. In a recent TV interview, the mayor seemed unconcerned that this could pose a problem for pesky little things like reverse 911 notices (in a town with an air force bombing range recently approved to use live ammunition)

It also would penalize property owners & landlords for knowingly allowing an “illegal alien” (Interestingly enough the US immigration website uses this term, but does not have a definition in its glossary – yes, i know, it’s a commonly understood term, but it’s a vague term to be used in a piece of legislation without providing a definition) to rent, lease or “use” their property. (just in case the landlord decides to let somebody stay without paying rent?)

The city attorney spoke to a local newspaper, saying the law was poorly written and probably unconstitutional. He’s now looking for another job. No “official” reason was given why he was fired, but a council member was quoted as saying it was due to a recent “embarrasing incident”

When I started this post, this measure was up for a vote: After a five-hour city council meeting, the vote came down at 11:00 monday night, failing 3-2 the same margin by which it was originally expected to pass. One councilwoman changed her vote to no, commenting that she had prayed for guidance.

I’m not foolish enough to think that illegal immigration isn’t a problem, but I don’t think the solution lies in passing wrongheaded ordinances that appeal only to prejudice and snobbery.