So for this book thingy I have to come up with a bio that is 75 words or less. I can rant and rave till I’m blue in the face and cramped in the typing hands, but coming up with a serious bio about myself is daunting.

I thought about doing it Chuck Noris fact style.

Red Queen eats computer students for lunch and flosses with copper wire after.

Red Queen can party like it’s 1999

Red Queen is not an alcoholic, she process all the vodka she drinks into pure mountain spring water for drought ridden areas.

Whadda think?

I am a freak for the perfect pair of sunglasses. I had a pair for years which were called my “Italian movie star” glasses. They were a slightly oversized pair of pink sunglasses whose lenses were a gradient of brown to rose. They made me feel like Sophia Loren whenever I wore them.

Then I stepped on them.

After that I went through many many pairs of glasses. I have 5 pairs right now on the shelf next to my desk and none of them are right. I lost 2 pairs in Mexico, one in the surf off Tulum and another when I was hiking in the jungle near Calakmul. A giant, dinner plate sized dragonfly flew into my glasses as they were perched on top of my head and cracked them in half. I finally found a cheap pair at a market in Chetumal that were *almost* as good as the Italian movie star glasses. I’ve been wearing them for about a year now.

Being in Seattle, you might think that sunglasses aren’t as necessary of a fashion accessory as they would be in Phoenix or Florida. You would be wrong. Us northwesterners have developed super sensitive eyes, like vampires. When that strange glowing ball in the sky finally decided to show itself, we don our glasses as fast as we can so that the burning can be avoided. It may be winter here in Rainland, but we must always be vigilant!

So of course last night I stepped on my purse and heard the unmistakable crunch of a pair of cheap plastic glasses snapping.

What will I do now? Nowhere in Seattle will sell sunglasses until April. I will be blind and stumbly.

But maybe I can use this as an excuse to get a hamster- a guide hamster! Named Ruby!

So about a decade ago I was tagged by the lovely Konagod to do the 8 things meme.

Since I suck like a hoover and blow like a fill in the blank, I’m just now getting around to it.

Here’s da rules

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged write their own blog post about their eight things and include these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and that they should read your blog.
5. 8 is a magic number. Not three.

I tag back Brandann, Sir Robin, Ben, Wonder, Scarred, the other Ben, Chelle and Candi Cane

1)I have an irrational fear of walking barefoot on grass and swimming in water that might have “stuff” in it. I HATE the idea that tiny things I can’t see might be touching my feet.

2) When I was in high school I blew off Bud Bundy (David Faustino) at an underage dance club
3) I’ve made cookies for Paul Newman- twice.

4) When I am about to slam someone’s arguments I start out with a very polite “I suppose, but”

5) I am a giant slob. I use the excuse that I am breaking with traditional feminine roles so that I don’t have to clean

6) I have a collection of porn mags from around the world. My favorite is gay Japanese manga.

7) I am always thinking of things that would go on a personalized t-shirt. The banner and name for this blog came from a t-shirt I made after a drunken party conversation. It’s my version of “that would be a great name for a band”

8) I might have earned myself the reputation of being “that girl that dates all the professors” but I’m not telling.

Me: You should open a speakeasy in your basement. but we need a password.

Slyvie: Vegamite!

Me: Do you come from a land down under?
Where women bblow and men chunder.

Sylvie: I never got that line

Me: Chunder is to vomit, if I recall

Sylvie: Eeeeewwwww!

At some point last night we reached 10,000 visits on site meter!

Since Wonder doesn’t see the stats, she sometimes doesn’t believe people actually read this.
But they do.

For those of you who are lurkers, consider this a very cordial invite to delurk. Where are ya? How did ya find us? If you could only eat one food for the rest of you life, what would it be?

Many days of eating turkey, and turkey, and stuffing with turkey, and mashed potatoes with turkey, and salad with turkey and just plain turkey…

Tonight we had Ben and Jerry’s for dinner.

I am hungover and didn’t got to bed until 6amish. I threw out my back lifting the giant turkey in and out of the oven. It was an awesome night.

So things I am thankful for:

1) I have the awesomest kid on the planet.

2) I have really cool friends

3) 20-something year old boys. It was 2 young guys who stayed to clean up and watch Shaolin Soccer (and one of them who gave me -uhm 3 or 4 helpings of “dessert”. Actual line spoken last night “How about the guest bathroom, every time I brace myself on the counter I land in turkey juice”)

4) Chess pie. It’s like sugar in a creamy sugar filling with a sugar crust.

5) My friend Dave’s vegan zucchini bread. OH MY GOD! I have never had anything so delicious and it was vegan and gluten free. I have no idea how he did it.

6) Deviled eggs. I made 18 eggs, they were gone in under 10 minutes.

7) Spanish wine. we had a lovely Spanish rose, but it was the Cava that people were throwing down for to get a glass.

8) Singing with friends and family. I got a Woockie seranade of “You are so beautiful to me”, the Kid and I sang several rounds of ” The sun is a mass of incandescent gas” and the Naughty Proff dedicated “Fat bottomed girls” to Ms. J and I (Though Ms. J has the superior ghetto bootay)

9) Advil, advil, advil

10) Boys who will do a finger puppet reenactment of the Medici’s fight against Savonarola with me while arguing about how to pronounce Medici. I say it’s med-I-chi, he says it’s MED-i- chi

Shakesville had a post up the other day about “who would play you in the Shakesville movie?”

My ex, Mephistopheles, said I was Karen Walker minus the rich husband. Let’s see:

Funny Voice- check
Fabulous rack- check
Love of Vodka: check
Desire to serve a party mix of uppers, downers and candy corn at social events: check
Cruel wit: check
Prone to grabbing people in inappropriate places (both location and body parts): check
Likely to say something that will make you guffaw in social situations: Check

So I guess Megan Mullally (only 10 years younger and with longer hair) would play me.

Who would play you in a movie?

My house smells like roasted garlic and cherry pie.

Jealous?