Lately I’ve been seeing posters all over Paris for ‘Comment Font Les Femmes?’, a movie starring Sarah Jessica Parker which English title must be ‘How the Fuck Does She Do It?’ or ‘What the Hell is She Smoking?’ or ‘Hey Rocky, Watch Me Pull a Rabbit Out of My Hat.’ On the poster figures Parker as a perfectly-coiffed and attired, smooth-skinned, tightly-smiling seething coiled snake and a list of tasks which she must accomplish by sundown or everyone will hate her forever. I am guessing the movie is about one woman’s search for the word ‘NO.’

NO is The most useful word anyone will ever learn. When you learn a foreign language learn NO first and leave yes for the advanced course. Use it liberally, shake it on your food like salt, use it to punctuate sentences. If you get tired of sounding like a toddler, mix it up with “Hell no,” “Hells to the no,” “Are you fucking kidding me” and “Clearly you have me confused with someone who gives a shit.”

“Fuck You” should always be close at hand for stubborn situations. This pithy phrase enforces boundaries better than any Iron Curtain. Wildly underutilized by the competitive-mothering crowd, it will really drive the point home. Try it at your next PTA meeting and sit back and watch the fun.

When the situation really gets out of hand, do as I do and slide into a depressive torpor for three weeks to four months. This will clear your plate in a hurry. When it’s over, those who love you will be glad to have you back, and those who don’t will never bother you again.

Since the movie is a product of our seriously regressive era, I am guessing it does not end by Parker embracing her inner toddler, screaming NO NO NO and flinging spaghetti at the walls.

Oh,and am I free to see it tonight? Why… NO.