My previous post did not originate in my cerebral cortex

Rather, somewhere south of my brain stem.

My sciatic nerve, to be exact, which has lately been causing my left leg & foot to feel like they’re trapped under a 2X4.
I haven’t seen the Dr yet cause I’m scared i’ll end up shelling out a couple hundred bucks I don’t have just to be treated like a drug-seeking hypochondriac. Even though the source of my pain is likely a disc that is about to go south for the winter. That runs in both sides of my family.
I’m extremely reluctant to take the pain pills very kindly offered to me by people who need them a whole lot more than I do, ’cause it’s not best practice, doesn’t actually fix the problem, and it’s, well,  illegal. That and I’m job-hunting, and it would be kinda hard to explain on a drug test.
I don’t usually get personal here, but that’s what’s going on with me right now.
So this, and some other family experiences have informed my opinion about the dangers of, OMG the scary pain pills!!!!   you could get addicted!!!1!!!11!
I don’t take it back, 
I just felt like explaining.

I Have Officially Seen It All.

I was looking at the SkyMall catalog online today and came across this little gem:

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s POOP FREEZE.
I’ll just let the catalog description speak for itself here:


Pet waste removal made easy!

Poop Freeze is an easy, earth-friendly way to do your “dooty” and clean up after your dog. It chills animal waste to -62°F, creating an outer “crust” that enables you to quickly place in a bag and dispose. Makes picking up loose stool and diarrhea easier. Effective for all kinds of pets, including dogs, cats, birds, etc. Indoor or outdoor use. Safe for humans and pets when used as directed.

My sister says this is for people who think their shit doesn’t stink.

I, Splotchy – The Next Installment

Edit: Just ‘Cause I’m Compulsive, here’s the intro from Splotchy’s blog

This has probably been done before, but that is not stopping me, oh no.


Here’s what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don’t know how realistic it is, but that’s what I’m aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread. So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it’s okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that’s five interesting threads the story spins off into.

Not a requirement, but something your readers would appreciate: to help people trace your own particular thread of the narrative, it will be helpful if you include links to the chapters preceding yours.

Oh, and if you pass it along & comment on splotchy’s page he’ll draw you a little something.


I, Splotchy: This Story Is A Virus :

Here’s what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don’t know how realistic it is, but that’s what I’m aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

MathMan has tagged me to add to the story, which reads….

I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

“That’s strange,” I said out loud to no one in particular. My fingers slowly reached towards the jar again. My body experienced a wave of apprehension as weighted blanket covering me as I did so. The jar was completely frozen.

I picked it up and stared at it, my fingers stung with little knives of chill. “What the…” again I spoke aloud. Then I realized what had happened with a shock. Suddenly the jar flew from my hand. It shattered creating a collage-like mixture of frozen applesauce and glass shards on my kitchen floor, the lid lazily rolling to a stop across the room. (FranIam)

I stood for a moment considering what all this meant. Oh, I knew what it meant, I didn’t need to waste time thinking about it. He was back. And he was mad.

I ran down the hallway and flung open the door at the end. I was immediately hit with a blast of cold. I took a step back as I tried to catch my breath. I bent over, hands on my knees panting. He always had this remarkable effect on me. After so much time, it no longer scared me, but it was a shock nonetheless……

“You know,” I panted, “There’s no need to break things to get my attention.” (DCup)

I woke up in the same position as in my dream, on my knees. I was sweating even though room was freezing. (mathman6293)

I was used to the house being quite cold in the mornings, as the night log usually burns out around one AM when I am dreaming cozily under my covers, not normally waking to put a new one on until morning. I was surprised because on the rare occasions that it actually had reached sub-freezing temperatures in the house, I had awakened in the night to restart the fire. I would have been worried about the pipes before P-Day, but there hadn’t been running water in two years and that was one of the few advantages to being dependent on rainwater, no pipes. (Freida Bee)

The nightmares began during the following spring. The apple trees came to life in my dreams. At first the trees spoke and I thought they were amusing. That changed when the messages arrived. Lately, their anger was directed at me. (mathman6293)

The sound of the front porch floorboards creaking snapped me out of my reverie. I stood up, grabbed my shotgun and made sure a round was chambered, then quietly made my way into the front room and over to the window. As I peeked out past the closed curtains, my heart began to beat rapidly.

It can’t be, the incredulous thought came, I saw him die last year!

(Phydeaux)

There was no doubt it was him. I knew the minute he tried to meow and managed only a croak. I could feel him purring before he even reached my leg. As he started to rub against me I bent to pick him up but that’s as far as I got. I smelled her perfume. I didn’t see her and the scent was very faint, but a man doesn’t forget the smell of a woman like her. As my arms pulled Sylvester to my chest my eyes were closed. The smell of her was strong on him, and my mind carried me back to the last time I’d buried myself in that heady fragrance. “Sorry I took your cat”, she said.

(Brave Sir Robin)

For a minute, all I could do was stare at her gape-mouthed in the manner of a man seeing a ghost. Finally, I found my tongue.

“I’d invite you in for coffee, but everything is frozen”.

‘That’s all right” she said “I like it iced now”.

Over what can only be described as black coffee slushies, she told me the story of how she stole my cat and ran away to make her fortune as a curandera in the jungles of Bolivia. After nearly a year of sweltering heat and bugs, the only magic she had left was the cat’s ability to freeze things. She could no longer produce the raised eyebrow of doom or break ear drums with her sarcastic cackle. When I asked her why she returned, the story got even more convoluted.

” After being run out of Bolivia, I found work at a brothel in Buenos Aires. By the way, your cat learned a few new tricks there. I suggest never saying the words frozen chicken in Spanish to him, you may not like the results. At the brothel I met this tango dancing hamster named Ruby. She told me that the only way I could get my powers back was to…( Red Queen)

…return the cat’s heart. I am sure I don’t have to tell you how long it took me to figure that out. That effing feline always liked you best…but my powers dwindled in him absense…I needed him. So I left the frozen rabbit on the lawn in hopes you would think he had self-destructed finally.

But it was a dangerous addiction, and as my cackle grew stronger, so did his hold on me. Slowly our roles reversed, and he began freezing more often and…just more…while my own powers dwindled slowly over the months. That is how I wasn’t able to keep my cover in Bolivia. He has siphoned all my abilities…and if I hadn’t lucked upon that oddity of a hamster, I would have been dead in two day’s time.”

And now here she sat.

And here I was.

(歐陽丹)

Sitting on a folding metal chair that was covered in a thin sheet of frost in the shack we’d called home. I shivered but not with from the cold – it was something inside much deeper than that. She is here. With another shiver I felt it – my heart was starting to thaw. She was breaking down the walls I’d meticulously built to forget her. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before looking her and curtly asking, “Why are you here?”

“I think you know why”

(canukistanian)*

“No way am I going to Peru, I retorted. “ That damn hamster is more trouble…”

When I first met Ruby, she had just scurried through the crumbling bricks of an apartment house under renovations in the Pacific Northwest. She scampered over my feet, stopping to gnaw through my left shoelace. As she hurried on her way, she suddenly stopped & turned around. She looked at me quizzically & asked,

“Well, are you coming with me or not?”

As I stood there, shocked, and searching for the words to reply, she unfastened from around her neck what appeared to be a thick elastic band with clasps on the end. She quickly strung it through where my shoelace had been and fastened the ends. The she clapped her paws, as if to say “all done”, and turned to leave with a flick of her whiskers. I felt somehow strangely compelled to follow.

Months later, as I sat, dazed on the steps of St. Basil’s Cathedral, blinking at the midday sun, i wondered how a case of mistaken identity could have gone so far.

The cat had joined us somewhere along the way, New Orleans, or Austin, I can’t remember which. We discovered his freezing power when he saved us from a kitchen fire somewhere in Georgia. We had all taken jobs in this little diner off I-75 and since we had no place to stay, the manager was letting us sleep in the storeroom. One night nobody remembered to turn off the grill, and we woke to the smell of fireworks and frying bacon.

Almost instantaneously, the temperature dropped below zero, and the hot oil spewing from the fry vats solidified in mid-air, flying across the counter to land on the tables and booths like greasy hailstones.

But that was a long time ago.

And that morning in Moscow, Ruby said, as she packed fresh cedar chips into her pillowcase, “I’m so sorry for any inconvenience. The cat doesn’t want to go with me, so I hope you’ll look out for him. He can be awfully naive.”

(Wonder)

***I Tag ‘Chelle & Jovial

just for fun

You Are Surrealism

Dreamy and idealistic, you’ve created a world that is all your own.
It’s very likely that you’ve either dabbled in drugs or are naturally trippy.
You are always trying to push beyond the boundaries of your culture and society.
You believe that art, love, and freedom can change the world.

This was going to be about Christmas.

This morning I was getting ready to compose a post about the whole “Merry Christmas Controversy”, in which I was going to implore my fellow Christians not to participate in the uncharitable complaining which has cropped up in recent years in the face of well-meaning, or even purely commercial attempts to recognize the seasonal celebrations of our non-christian neighbors.

I was going to comment that this sort of harping seems to originate from voices whose agendas appear inconsistent, at least in this Christian’s viewpoint, with the teachings, much less the example, of Jesus. Of course if you’re a Christian who read this blog, I’m probably preaching to the choir.

I was going to explain that this “War on Christmas” nonsense makes us look like fools at best, and worse, that it encourages the kind of bigotry that led a group of young men, who probably consider themselves Christians, to attack group of young Jewish men and women on a subway for replying to their “Merry Christmas” with “Happy Hanukkah”

But I want to stop right there for a moment. I’ve got more to say on the Christmas thing, but something caught my attention, and I almost skipped right past it.

If you’ve been following the conversation on here the last week, you’ve noticed the phrase “human tribe” popping up a few times. You’ve seen that the recurring theme this week has been — what motivates people to help others when it’s not in their own direct self-interest?

You’ve read Red’s heartfelt thank-you to someone who helped her out, depite their disagreements.

We’ve wondered out loud how to change society so that helping people in need is the norm.

Now let’s go back to that subway.

Cause I wanna take notice of one of those people we’re talking about. Those people, like the KBR employee with the cell phone, and Red’s not-so-anonymous benefactor. A regular person, who didn’t just stand by & do nothing.

His name is Hassan Askari. He’s a 20-year old accounting student from Bangladesh, who says he’s not a hero. He’s a Muslim, but he wasn’t thinking about the religious differences between himself and these strangers.

“I didn’t have time to think about that,” he said. “I was more thinking that these guys were going to get beaten up and I should do something.”

According to Mr. Askari, his parents are proud of him.
They taught him to stand up for others.

Because it’s the right thing to do.

My Sense of Humor Sounds Like A Nice White Zinfandel

But Seriously… ASHTON KUTCHER?



Your Score: the Prankster

(23% dark, 30% spontaneous, 15% vulgar)

your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | LIGHT

Your humor has an intellectual, even conceptual slant to it. You’re not pretentious, but you’re not into what some would call ‘low humor’ either. You’ll laugh at a good dirty joke, but you definitely prefer something clever to something moist.

You probably like well-thought-out pranks and/or spoofs and it’s highly likely you’ve tried one of these things yourself. In a lot of ways, yours is the most entertaining type of humor because it’s smart without being mean-spirited.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Conan O’Brian – Ashton Kutcher


The 3-Variable Funny Test!

– it rules –


If you’re interested, try my best friend’s best test:
The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Stand there in your wrongness and be wrong.

A post over on feministe about the flooding in Mexico has sparked quite a bit of anger at brownfemipower . Well, not the post itself, but rather, the insensitivity and ignorance of the (mostly-white?) commenters, especially the first few.

Being somewhat new to feminism as a current (rather than historical) “thing” I’ve been reading a bit lately. on various blogs, including the Women of Color Blog. So I was a bit more prepared to hear what she had to say on this topic than I would have been a week ago. See, it seems that many non-white feminists have a lot to say about white feminists. And it’s not all “hey what a great job you’re doing promoting equality for everyone” It’s more like “Hey you’re really fucked up and NOT promoting equality for everyone!” It’s more like “You’re really biased and you just can’t see it!”

And you know what?

They’re right.

And I’m just as guilty as anyone. One of my first comments on Red’s post about the floods was an idiotic attempt to make a humorous connection between this tragedy and the immigration discussion we were having earlier. Mercifully, it was removed from the page in a matter of minutes by either Red, The Almighty, or Teh Internet Gremlins. Or Deek. He hasn’t posted in a while, but I’m sure he’s still got edit-power, and hates this kind of bullshit.

And I’m thankful, because it was offensive, and I never should have said it. It was offensive because people are dying, and I used it as an opportunity to make a joke. From safe in the heart of “white america,” I made a joke. not an overtly racist joke, but the fact that I, in a position of unearned privilege took advantage of that privilege to show how witty i’m not, reeks of racism.

And that is WRONG.

  • Nearly a million people homeless, and we giggle over “Tabasco”.
  • I can’t find a number on how many dead, and we excuse ourselves with “class, not race” as if the two bear no connection, and white people don’t benefit economically from the color of our skin.
  • Our government offers the insult of 3oo,000 crumbs off our table for relief, while spending millions(billions?) on a “border fence” and military aid to fight a phantom “drug war” and we try to prove how clever we are.(my mercifully deleted comment)
  • The Mainsteam US Media largely ignores the tragedy, and we quibble over whether the CA fires can be compared to Katrina

And then we go over there and reply to brownfemipower’s post with our “oh-no-i’m- embarassed-to-be-white*- we’re-not-all-like-that-please-don’t-hate-us-all” hand-wringing.

To Which she says:

brownfemipower

“We’re not all so hopeless, and many of us benefit from the education.”

First, i want to say that I get everybody’s point and i think that it’s great, really really really great that so many people take this shit to heart and really genuinely want to learn and understand and change etc. I trust every single one of you, and understand you are coming from a good place.

but I just want to pause and reflect here and point out that there is some very real and very righteous rage here–Aaminah has Latin@ family, I am Latin@, several of the woc who posted are intimately connected to Latin@ communities or women through organizing or have seen their own communities similarly traumatized and then mocked by white majorities–and I just want to point out that even as women are *politely* pointing out that you want to learn and you are very grateful–this rage, this hurt, this pain that women of color are feeling is being very subtly rewritten to be about white women and how they hope that we won’t stop teaching them.

because what is this really about, this hope that we won’t stop teaching? I look at it as a defensive reaction. As, even in sympathy and understanding, being a bit defensive and needing to point out that *you* aren’t *them*–that you aren’t *that*. that *you* are not hopeless, even if those others are–it is a way of distancing yourself, and at the same time, sort of absolving yourself–you are not them, and you don’t have to call *them* out because you’re busy letting us know how much you want to be taught.

Now is not the time, even politely, to let us know that you hope we never stop teaching you–now is the time to cut through the bullshit and respect that when a community’s world is collapsing, a little human sympathy and understanding would be perfect. of course, there are other things that could be talked about and reflected on as well–but when a community is in pain and suffering–they owe nothing to anybody. They have the right to speak their anger, their pain, their rage, their hurt, without any pressure or expectations on them at all.

thank you so much for understanding–and I appreciate all of the support.

We don’t get it. So we need to shut up and listen, and realize that it’s not always about us.
And we need to, as BFP said, call each other out when we act racist, even inadvertently, and not expect our hands to be held every step of the way.

*(Actually I kinda am… Or, rather, I recognize how inherently unjust and shameful it is that my being born with less obvious pigmentation places me in a “protected” category whose interests are served at the expense of people who are, well, browner than I am.)

Christians With The Sense God Gave Them***

(Can I Trademark that?)

This is the part of the blog where Wonder attempts to combat in her own small way the anti-intellectualism being shamelessly promoted as christian these days, by digging up tasty gems of reasonableness and intelligence from the writings of her christian forbears (or even current thinkers if i can find some good ones).

Today’s CWTSGGT is none other than CS Lewis, explaining why ….. democracy is better than theocracy (emphasis is mine)

I am a democrat because I believe that no man or group of men is good enough to be trusted with uncontrolled power over others. And the higher the pretensions of such power, the more dangerous I think it both to rulers and to the subjects. Hence Theocracy is the worst of all governments. If we must have a tyrant a robber barron is far better than an inquisitor. The baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity at some point may be sated; and since he dimly knows he is doing wrong he may possibly repent. But the inquisitor who mistakes his own cruelty and lust of power and fear for the voice of Heaven will torment us infinitely more because he torments us with the approval of his own conscience and his better impulses appear to him as temptations.

And since Theocracy is the worst, the nearer any government approaches to Theocracy the worse it will be. A metaphysic held by the rulers with the force of a religion, is a bad sign. It forbids them, like the inquisitor, to admit any grain of truth or good in their opponents, it abrogates the ordinary rules of morality, and it gives a seemingly high, super-personal sanction to all the very ordinary human passions by which, like other men, the rulers will frequently be actuated. In a word, it forbids wholesome doubt. A political programme can never in reality be more than probably right. We never know all the facts about the present and we can only guess the future. To attach to a party programme — whose highest claim is to reasonable prudence — the sort of assent which we should reserve for demonstrable theorems, is a kind of intoxication,”

– C.S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms, ch. 3.

***Disclaimer: Posting somebody under this heading by no means indicates that i endorse every aspect of their philosphy. Just that:

  1. They profess to be Christian.
  2. They said something I consider to be intelligent, humane, relevant, or otherwise worth hearing, especially by Christians, or those who have an interest in the role of Christianity in the culture at large

“God Transcends Nationalism”


I just want to clairfy I’m not trying to advocate for anarchy here. I’m just problematizing the the previous claim that one should see elected legislators as instruments of God. I believe each person, including the members of the board of supervisors, is flawed and finite and should discern the will of God for themselves rather than assume that persons in power will automatically work out a divine plan— Rev. Nancy McLadd, Bull Run Unitarian Universalists