the mundane trials regularly occurring at the Red Queen’s castle. First there was the yard war, where I am happy to report that the cease fire is still in place. Now it appears that a suicide bombing by a chenille blanket has created serious chaos in the laundry room. I am not sure if the dryer will make it.

This chenille blanket had been put into the wash by the Kid. It was here that the blanket hatched it’s terrible plan to self destruct and take a major appliance down with it. It tried to recruit other items in the wash with it. I am happy to say that my grey pencil skirt and black hoodie resisted.

By the time they got to the dryer, there was no going back. The chenille blanket unleashed a furry of lint the likes of which have never been seen. The lint exploded into the vent hose and through the pipe to the outside, but because it is lint-it was silent in it’s attack.

This morning, after running the dryer 3 times for one load, I knew something was up. I peered into the dryer and saw that my poor hoodie and skirt had been covered in the detritus of the blanket. Innocent victims of a terrible act. The clothing that had been tumbling in the dryer for 3 hours was hot, but still soaking wet. And then there was the smell- the smell of burning lint.

I have encountered this kind of attack before. I knew what had to be done. But first I had to go to work. I planned to launch a late night sneak attack by pulling the dryer out of it’s place and attacking the hose directly. I was not prepared for what I saw next.

The hose was completely filled with lint, to the point that it had detached from the pipe that leads the steam outside. The pipe and the area around the cutout in the wall where the pipe comes out were also packed full with lint. The entire area surrounding the pipe and the dryer was, well, blanketed with lint.

I know at this point you are probably wondering- shouldn’t the Red Queen have brave soldiers, or at least hapless minions, willing to do dangerous and grueling tasks of yard work peace negotiations and lint bombing clean-up. It’s true, I should. But unlike the Great Decider (and most of the Republican party) I believe that a leader should not send troops to do something they would not do themselves. So I attacked the lint with a driving need for justice, as well as a broom and a bent wire coat hanger for scraping the hose and the pipe. I think my troops will respect me more for being willing to endure their same hardships.

Now I am up at one in the morning monitoring the dryer’s condition. I did not feel it was safe to let it run on it’s own. The remains of the offending blanket will join the weed wacker for funeral services.

Some of the lint after being taken into custody and placed in the paper bag detention center.