Renee at Womanist Musings (must remember to put her in the blog roll next time I retool) has a post up about the horrors of hymenoplasty and a woman who has it done EVERY YEAR so her husband keeps getting the “thrill” of fucking a virgin for his birthday.

(Yes, that made me throw up a little in my mouth just typing it)

That post and another I read the other day about mail order brides has got me thinking about women as the sex class, a concept that is difficult for a lot of people to grasp, even women, because we do so much more than spread our legs for the patriarchy.

One of the little mental exercises I use for figuring stuff out is to imagine the opposite of whatever I’m mulling over (I’ll get to that part later). In this case, there was a line in the mail order bride story about how for many women their survival depends directly on being able to sexually satisfy a man. (I wish I could remember where I read it, I think it was the NYTimes, but fuck em, they get enough press already)

My brain took that one sentence and pushed it around for awhile. Sex workers, obviously, are women who rely on their ability to sexually satisfy a man for their survival. Traditional, stay at home wives too (if they slack off their husband can replace them with a younger version and they are financially devastated) which might explain little miss colluder’s willingness to have her bits sewn shut once a year rather than having hubby run out and find an actual virgin to terrorize. But that’s not where it ends. If we are to believe the evo-psych blowhards, then men are programmed to run around fucking everything with a hole. So why do we women have to spend so much time and energy on beauty products and clothing and maintenance in order to be fuckable? It doesn’t make any sense to me.

So what’s the opposite?

Imagine a world where a man’s ability to sexually satisfy a woman directly correlated to his success. I know, that made you chuckle didn’t it? Every single woman I know has at some point faked it with a dude, either to spare his feelings or to get it over with cause it was taking too long or whatever. Can you imagine a world where women’s orgasm’s weren’t some mystical, mercurial thing but were as guaranteed as men’s are now (I think this is entirely possible, btw. Just cause you don’t know how to drive a stick shift doesn’t mean that it can’t be driven.)A world where penis enlargement is as common place as breast enlargement is now and every man in the country aspires to a perfect swimmers build through massive caloric restriction and grueling exercise regimes. A world where women catcall construction workers, men who are just trying to go about their work but instead become eyecandy (or fodder for ridicule) for lusty females. A world where men are warned about walking home alone at night or having a few too many drinks in a bar. Hell, we already make jokes about how if men got pregnant abortion would be available at drive-thrus, and how many crappy movies have been made about Mr. Moms taking care of the kids for comedic effect?

Yep- it sounds pretty ridiculous to me. So if it’s opposite is ridiculous, then the current status quo is too. (Opposites is a fun game to play- imagine a world where ONLY gay people can get married or where Africa was the continent that white slaves were imported to. It’s a really good tool for figuring out your own prejudicial hold backs).

So if women aren’t the sex class, then there would be no need for all the little (and big) things we do every day to be attractive. Cosmo wouldn’t keep running stupid articles about how to please your man in bed with a scrunchie to the nutsack. Women wouldn’t risk toxic shock to have their bits waxed into virginal smoothness and the worst thing you could say about a women wouldn’t have anything to do with how fuckable she is or isn’t.