Some of you may remember that way back, this used to be a different blog, with a different name, and a bunch of boy writers. It was always my blog, my idea, but I shared it with other people because I wasn’t entirely sure of my ability to write everyday.

And when I wrote about feminism, one of two things happened. Either it got so quiet in here you could hear the crickets. Or the trolls came out.

None of this was due to the boy writers, really. Deek at the very least is, was and always has been a super feminist ally. But when women speak, they are either ignored or chastised.

So about a year ago, I changed the name of the blog and made the focus way more feminist than before. Wonder is still here sometimes, and Chang’e is an awesome moderatrix. But we are all women.

And I got a bunch of awesome women readers. And once it became clear that this was a safe place for them to speak, the comments went up. And the number of readers went up. I know why. Like I was they are hungry for a place where they can speak without being shouted down for having a vagina. A place where what they think matters and where what matters to them gets discussed. I know cause I was just as hungry. I found Shakesville a few years ago, and Feministe right when Lauren left and Jill, Piny and Zuzu took over. And Pandagon, before it became the pink Obamabot ghetto.

And it’s awesome that we have these spaces to go to now. But I worry that we are creating an online version of a zenana. I worry that we are being pushed into women only spaces to shut us up. It’s not an accident that the top female bloggers (Arrianna Huffington anyone?) are sexists themselves. They have achieved “legitimacy” by selling out the rest of us. Way to break the glass ceiling, girls!

But how do we keep our safe place while also being part of the bigger discussion?

And I think this is a really important discussion to have right now. We are seeing the left side of the blogosphere split between those that think misogyny is a valid political tool and the tools people that support them, and those who think it is unacceptable. And for those of us who feel it is unacceptable, places that used to be safe for us now are not.

So do we wall ourselves off in a safe zenana, free of boys because so far the majority of them have not been terribly supportive (no, not all- note the some in there) or do we keep exposing ourselves to hate in the hope that minds will be changed before our wounds get too serious?

I go back and forth. At the moment, for reasons that should be obvious to anyone who has read this blog just over the course of this weekend, I want to bring up the drawbridge and behead anything that looks remotely dangerous before it comes close.

But that doesn’t change the outside world.