I know you peeps have been anxiously waiting for another installment of imaginary pet blogging. Ruby isn’t feeling the muse lately and we have put off compiling her autobiography until it returns. Instead, she has told me that it is ok to give you 10 fun facts about Ruby that you prolly don’t know:

1) Ruby’s great great grandmother is the inspiration for the Decemberists’ song My Mother was a Chinese Trapeze Artist. Sung Fei made her living in pre-war Paris putting on shows with a troupe of acrobats. She later became part of the French resistance who used her to smuggle bombs because of her ability to juggle cumbersome objects in high places.

2) Ruby is deathly allergic to yellow dye. Thank god I hate the color yellow, it’s why she feels safe in my care.

3) Ruby’s favorite food is Bulgarian feta. I don’t know why.

4) Britney Spears called Ruby for help after the whole Doctor Phil debacle. Ruby knows some black magic and she put an impotence curse on the doc for blabbing her personal information. If you see his wife, Robin, looking more grumpy lately- that’s why.

5) Ruby auditioned for the part of Laura Roslyn in Battlestar Gallactica. She was offered the part but couldn’t take it because she had a coffee addiction relapse and had to go back to rehab.

6)The Palestinians and Israelis have agreed to peace talks if Ruby will be the facilitator. Unfortunately the only building they have agreed to hold the talks in is painted bright yellow. Once they can agree on a new meeting place, Ruby will be off to set things right.

7) Ruby has special high heels made for her by Stewart Weitzman in tiny hamster sizes.

8) George Clooney only started dating his new girlfriend after Ruby turned down a marriage proposal at his house in Lake Como, Italy. Ruby doesn’t believe in marriage.

9) The treasury department is thinking of putting Ruby on $100 bills.

10) Ruby drinks vodka tonics for breakfast. She says it’s to ward off malaria, but i think she might just be an alchy.