And then RQ fell out of her chair laughing.

Thank god I didn’t have a drink when I read that. I might have needed a new laptop due to spit check. Now that I have (kinda) regained my composure, let’s get serious for a minute. (Starting with the disclaimer that the plural of anecdote is not data….)

For a long time I had your standard, patriarchy-approved and socially programmed views on sex acts, though I always had a decidedly slutty view on numbers and partners. I tried the whole “oh spank me big boy” shit, etc etc. And was left wanting (or more likely, giving instructions on the proper way to position your hand). I was, at best, meh on the whole “getting fucked” aspect of fucking. Sex was good, great even, but it didn’t get awesome till I discovered my innate toppy nature. Once I shrugged off all the porny “this is what a woman is supposed to want” shit and discovered that if someone is going to be doing the spanking, hair-pulling, bossing around stuff it really should be me- then sex became that existential floaty head space shit that we all imagine it’s supposed to be.

So yeah, if you ask a bunch of women who have grown up in a patriarchy full of porny images where the average sex act involves female submission to the all powerful cock, then your study is going to be skewed that direction. That’s not “hard-wired”, that’s social construction of a narrative to the benefit of the socially dominant class.

Are some women submissive? Yep. So are some men. Some people, both men and women, are a bit of both. And some people, both men and women, don’t want sex at all. And some people, both men and women, like sex but are neutral on the power play shit. And some of us women have some rocking skills with a whip. I’m just sayin’…..